Date Night Advice series: TOP10 Dumbest Reasons to Date
Dumb Reason #2: Sexual Intercourse
Last week we faced the facts and disclosed that, instead of some specific act (or acts), sex is a conversation. And living in this reality, we discover then that our freedom from sexual sin is found, not in a list of dos and don’ts, but in one single don’t:
DON’T begin the conversation until you’re ready to finish.
This brings us to this week’s question: How do you know when the “conversation” begins?
The simple answer: Don’t ask me. Ask your body.
Sex may indeed be a conversation, but the dialogue of sexual intercourse isn’t driven primarily by what our mouths are saying or even what our bodies are doing, but by what our bodies (more accurately our minds) are feeling. So, if you want to walk in freedom from sexual temptation, all you have to do is stop whatever you’re doing the moment you become sexually aroused – IMMEDIATELY – without waiting, or taking a single step further.
If you are intelligent enough to be reading this post, you are assuredly intelligent enough to recognize when your body is being stimulated sexually.
Of course this prescription may come across as reasonable as chaining our underwear to our bodies and swallowing the key, because the sad fact is that in our culture, sexual gratification is treated like a recreational activity. Sadder still, once you become accustomed to this recreational activity, it’s all but impossible to see it for what it is: sin. More precisely: sexual immorality.
Regardless, what I’m encouraging you to do is the very thing the Apostle Paul asks us to do in regards to sexual immorality: FLEE!
While our culture encourages us – yea verily, compels us – to FREE sexual immorality.
- First we expose ourselves to media messages and images that are sexually stimulating (i.e. sexually immoral).
- Then we dress in ways designed to arouse others sexually – highlighting, instead of hiding our sexual attributes.
- Then we carry ourselves in a flirtatious, sexy manner.
- Then we plan dates (or other social interactions) designed to leave ample room for sexually stimulating talk and behavior.
And then we’re aghast when we fall into sin.
When you look at it this way, the unreasonable purity plan is not to avoid sexual arousal completely, as I am suggesting, but to allow yourself to enjoy sexual stimulation, but only up to a point at which time you will try to stop.
“Flee” and “free” may rhyme, but they have little in common. You cannot flee sexual immorality and free it at the same time. And, no, there really is no middle ground. I know it seems like there is, but that’s precisely how Satan works. (“Did God really say…”)
Again, I know what I’m saying sounds crazy to the “modern” mind and, yes, I understand that experiencing sexual arousal is natural, sometimes even beyond your control (this is often the case if you’ve been sexually abused), but I’m simply talking about not entertaining it; not pursuing it; especially in the vulnerable context of dating.
If you’re in doubt about the rightness or wrongness of your sexual conduct, ask yourself: “If I was married and I knew my spouse was doing what I’m doing right now with someone else – or feeling the way I’m feeling right now for someone else – would I be OK with that?”
Either you’re fleeing or freeing sexual immorality, so as soon as you feel your body (mind) getting sexually stimulated STOP what you’re doing. Now I realize that some reading this post are thinking something along the lines of, “Good lands! If I stuck with this rigid advice I wouldn’t even be able to hold hands with someone!”
If that is you, I have some encouragement I’ll share next week, but in the meantime prayerfully examine your life.
- Has sexual gratification become a regular ole recreational activity for you?
- Have you been “trying to stay pure” while intentionally keeping your sexual motor running by what you watch, listen to and read?
DNA: It’s What’s For Dating
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The LoveEd study guide series, Beyond Sex & Salvation, will empower you to prepare for relational success when it counts: BEFORE YOU FALL IN LOVE! It’s NOT for couples, but for any wise individual who thinks they might want to get married sometime before they die. Check out the first two 8-lesson study guides in our store. You can walk through it on your own, but it’s more fun with friends, so consider putting together an FMU LoveEd small group study. Even better? And ask a married couple you respect to lead it!
image source: flickr.com/photos/driotinto
