A Dirt-Free Little Secret about Sex

[The following Date Night Advice is an excerpt from the JUST RELEASED, third and final book in our discipleship series: Beyond Sex & Salvation. It presents three crucial life decisions for relational success; decisions best made BEFORE you fall in love. Find out more or purchase the book at this link.]


Believe it or not, Christ-likeness, maturity, patience, holiness, discipline and faith are just the sort of gifts God had in mind for marriage to give us.

If you’re pretty certain you’re not interested in such things, do yourself a favor and scratch marriage off your list of things to do. You may believe you still want marriage for the guilt-free, fun, passionate sex, but marriage is much more about sacrifice and selflessness than sex.

I know that might sound like a bummer, but it’s not.

I’m going to let you in on a dirt-free little secret about sex.


Sex is more about oneness than it is orgasm. It’s more about the relationship than the experience.


That means if you’re connected on more levels, it’s only going to make the sexual connection all the more powerful. Indeed, after only nineteen years of marriage, the love my wife and I make is richer and more precious (and yes more fun and passionate) because of the number of times we’ve sacrificed for each other and our children.

Since sacrificial commitment is the point of marriage and guilt-free sex the subsequent gift, all the sex in the world cannot compensate for the sacrifice marriage requires.

Most who marry believing sex is the point of marriage, with commitment the subsequent gift, wind up cursing God and divorcing. And of those who hang in there, most feel like cursing God and dying.

Question: Have you seen marriage as being more about sacrificial commitment or guilt-free sex? How has your dating life reflected this reality?

For more insight into a Biblical view of sexuality check out our Hot Topic page on the subject. Want help with keeping your heart, mind and dating life pure? Check out our Hot Topic page dedicated to purity. Lastly, if you struggle with porn specifically, check out that Hot Topic page.


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The LoveEd study guide series, Beyond Sex & Salvation,will empower you to prepare for relational success when it counts: BEFORE YOU FALL IN LOVE! It’s NOT for couples, but for any wise individual who thinks they might want to get married sometime before they die.Check out the first two 8-lesson study guides in our store. You can walk through it on your own, but it’s more fun with friends, so consider putting together an FMU LoveEd small group study. Even better?  And ask a married couple you respect to lead it!

Categories: 3 Crucial Life Decisions, Beyond Sex and Salvation, Make Peace with Your Past