After They’re Done With You (Part 1)

It’s time to read #4 of the TOP10 Signs You’re on a Bad First Date: Your date keeps texting friends about plans for later that night after they’re done with you.

DatingDont-52

“After they’re done with you.” Oh that’s classy. And it’s a quote too, by the way. (Remember the TOP10 Signs You’re on a Bad First Date come from real life experiences.)

If this ever winds up being your real life experience, try this simple 2-step remedy:

  1. Text your date this message: tel yr fs dat ur dun ryt now.
  2. Leave. Either go home and spend some time with the God who loves you (and will never be done with you) or go over to a friend’s house.

OK, so that’s the game plan, but it doesn’t exactly make everything better. Why?

Because you’ve still been rejected. And that stinks.

Your date may stink, but it hurts to be rejected. Even by a date who stinks. So in this weekend’s Date Night Advice I wanted to talk about rejection.

Fortunately for you, I’ve had a LOT of experience with rejection. I’m not saying I’d win the award for “Most Rejected.” Maybe you’ve been rejected more, but please don’t blow off my advice. I’m not sure I could handle it.

Truth be told, I was dying for a girlfriend starting back in 3rd grade when I fell in love with Sarah Bakely*. And Sarah was merely the first love interest to indicate no interest in me. I never actually got a girlfriend until my Junior year in college. That’s 12 years of dating rejection.

In fact, I couldn’t even get a first date until college. I did manage to find the courage to ask two different girls out during my high school career. But Angie and Natalie both chose to give me the “I’d really rather just be friends” speech, rather than endure even a first date with me. (Ouch!)

The two invites were about a year apart, because it took me about a year to get over each rejection. Indeed, Angie’s rejection involved this weird love rectangle with Tony and Tracy and was so emasculating I share it in my “Friends Don’t Let Friends Date Dumb” discussion series. If I have enough time I even use a PowerPoint diagram to detail how things went down. Let’s just say, if you have to use a diagram to explain a failed dating expedition, you might need therapy.

However, let me be a little more vulnerable with you. I’m actually dealing with a far more painful rejection right now. Of course it’s not first date-related. It’s actually a good guy friend with whom I had been meeting almost weekly for accountability and encouragement for many years. When we started our relationship he was dealing with some pretty serious personal and family issues. Then as he was coming out of his valley, Julie and I were heading into our foster scare trial where we had to fight a broken government system for two years in order to adopt our two youngest children. As you might imagine, we grew pretty close through all of that.

At least I thought so. Unfortunately, I haven’t heard a single word from him since July 9. How do you go from years of meeting almost weekly (and talking even more frequently), to no contact whatsoever in over a 2 month period of time?

I realize you might have had a dating interest disconnect from you like this, and for that I’m truly sorry. However, if you’ve ever had one of your closest friends leave you high and dry, you know it hurts deeply.

So what are we to do, other than feel sorry for ourselves? And bitter?

Let me know your thoughts, and I’ll share mine next weekend in Date Night Advice.

DNA: It’s What’s For Dating

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(*Not her real name.)
Categories: After They're Done With You, DATING, Rejection, TOP10 Signs You're on a Bad First Date
  • Anonymous

    It’s true rejection is so very hard to swallow. It’s hard to put yourself out there. Just when you take that leap and make yourself vulnerable to another person they don’t catch you.

    Not to mention rejection is compounded when it involves a love interest because it seemingly comes about “out of the blue”. In reality the one dropping you like a rock moved on long ago, they just waited for a comfortable time for them to move on. It’s not uncommon for that person to have even already found someone else to possibly replace you with before they moved on.

    • Too true, anonymous. Love the word picture of you leaping and the other person not catching you. Not only are you hurt from hitting the ground, but you look stupid too, sitting there like “what happened?”. Any advice you’ve derived from your experience to empower you to move on? Love to hear your thoughts before I share mine.

    • Indeed FMU!

      I basically changed my perspective on how I view the situation, and I’ve done so only recently. Like, within a month or two. My advice may sound odd at first: Don’t “move on”. Let me explain.

      All my life I’ve spent and wasted a ton of time always trying to get over the fact that I care about someone and they don’t care about me. This is time spent worrying and staying stressed to the max. However if you’re trying to live your life the Jesus way, the gospel centered way, you’re taught to love others as Jesus does. In fact you’re taught to love everyone, including your enemy. The fact that you care about someone that doesn’t even care about you means you are doing even MORE of what Jesus wants you to do.

      Basically, instead of trying to run away from the fact that you love another person, why not EMBRACE the fact that you love them. Thank God every day that you are capable of feeling and expressing such a love for another person. By loving others, and loving the fact that God can express such a love through you is to love God.

      If you love God for granting you the ability to love the way he does and wants you to, you in turn love God more than you in fact love that person. By changing your perspective to this, it turns into a cycle and no matter how much you love someone you love God more. Have you ever loved someone so unconditionally that you cannot even put into words? That’s an amazing feeling. That’s a gift from God. Don’t try to run from this or get over it. Embrace it. Stop going against the grain. Ride that love train as fast and as far as it takes you.

    • Anonymous

      I guess my response doesn’t apply to your entire DNA. Mostly just to situations where you’ve grown close to someone, and things ended and you’re the one “hung up”.

    • What an interesting thought process. If I’m reading you right you’re trying to love people with the love of God which expects nothing in return, instead of loving them for yourself which expects (actually NEEDS) reciprocity. And you can only love like this if you’re filled to the brim with the love of God – having your needs met in HIM! Thanks so much for sharing, Brandon!

    • Brandon Thompson

      I feel like that approach takes care of the “feeling hurt and bitterness” that you feel from being rejected by caring about others and them not caring about you.

      I’m not going to sit here and say I love everyone because I don’t always feel that way towards people, but practice makes perfect. As we all know it’s not always easy.