If you’re reading this and aren’t already convinced sexual intercourse is such a dumb reason to date, please start at the beginning of this discussion with the post Sex is Like Atomic Energy.
The rest of this series is for you who are already convinced you want to keep your dating life from being controlled by a lustful libido.
I know a little bit about being controlled by a lustful libido – namely mine – but God has been so gracious to me. Back in high school, when my hormones completely ruled my fantasy life (ruthlessly, I might add), I couldn’t get a date to save my life (and for that I will never cease to be grateful). You can’t act out your fantasies, without opportunity.
Only after getting to college did I find myself in a place where I could actually get a date. Lots of them. But by this time, I had achieved a level of discipline that enabled me to view every Baylor beauty I had the privilege of taking out as a sister in Christ instead of a sex object.
Until I started dating Julie seriously.
I should clarify, that though I dated MUCH in college, Julie was my first girlfriend. She was the first person I dated seriously. It was the serious part that did me in. Suddenly sexual purity was a brutal battle that we lost more than we won.
How I wish we had considered the one single sex boundary that I believe would have saved us, not only from losing that battle so many times, but even from struggling as much as we did. I share this simple secret in a series called Keep Things Out in the Open. If you haven’t yet read it, please do, but…
What if you have boundaries and accountability and memory passages and the prayers of those who love you and you’re STILL succumbing to temptation?
What if you keep stepping over the boundaries, holding back from accountability, and forgetting about the verses and prayers?
While rules and accountability will help keep you pure, the sober reality is that your behavior will generally follow your beliefs. And by beliefs I’m not talking about the “beliefs” you say you believe. I’m not referring to the “beliefs” you know. We “know” a lot of things we don’t really believe. I’m talking about beliefs you actually believe.
- If you believe a 10-story jump will hurt, you’re more likely to take an elevator.
- If you believe a 10-story jump will bring a quick end to a difficult life, you’re more likely to step off the edge.
- If you believe yelling wins the arguments, you’re likely to yell at critical junctures in conflict.
- If you think avoiding conflict makes it go away, you’re more likely to stuff your emotions and withdraw from arguments.
What you believe will determine how you behave. Nowhere is this more true than in how we handle our sexuality.
- If you believe that sexual compatibility is one of the most important elements in a marriage relationship, you’ll find it nearly impossible to keep from fixating on how your date looks and makes you feel.
- If you believe that marriage will prove richer living with someone with whom you can relate naturally and trust implicitly, you’re more likely to focus on how your date thinks and makes decisions.
- If you believe baring your body is less risky than baring your soul, you’re more likely to show more skin and hide who you really are inside.
- If you believe engaging in sexual intimacy without commitment actually results in more hurt, addictions and shame which you will wish to hide from others, you’re more likely to guard against sexual temptation.
What you truly believe will govern your behavior, so…
If you’re determined to believe lies about your sexuality you’ll find denying the demands of your little sex god impossible.
It’s possible you already feel that way right now. This gets into understanding the sexual purity paradox. I encourage you to check out the post we wrote on that phenomenon.
Next week I’ll address one critical belief that, should you chose to accept it, can help you tame the savage beast of sexual temptation. But I’m hoping the above list of beliefs already has your mind pondering what sex lies you may have been (or currently are) tempted to believe. Would you be daring enough to share?
Date Night Advice series: TOP10 Dumbest Reasons to Date
Dumb Reason #2: Sexual Intercourse
DNA: It’s What’s For Dating
Dug this weekend’s DNA? Be a good friend and share with your friends on the social media platform of choice: Instagram, Youtube, Facebook, or Twitter.
The LoveEd discipleship series, Beyond Sex & Salvation, will empower you to prepare for relational success when it counts: BEFORE you fall in love!
It’s NOT for couples, but for any wise individual who thinks they might want to get married sometime before they die. And would like to learn how to better build healthy relationships in the meantime.
Check out all three study guides in our store. You can walk through them on your own, but it’s more fun with friends (that and it kinda makes sense to grow in relational success in actual relationships with others), so consider putting together an FMU LoveEd small group study.
[originally published: 9/26/13]
