Your Boyfriend Caught by Porn? Read this before it’s too Late!

Dear Girlfriend,

So you found out your boyfriend has a thing for pornography.

I’m so sorry.

But I’m glad too.

Sorry it’s true, but glad you know the truth now rather than later.

Because your boyfriend’s porn use directly impacts you. It’s not just a private thing between him and the women in the pictures and the videos. It’s about him and women period. That naturally includes you.

It especially includes you.

And sadly, I know this, not just from reading about it, but from personal experience.

Because I once found myself ensnared by porn.

So my advice is not given lightly. I’m going to be thinking about the counsel I would have wanted shared with my wife back when I was the one seduced by “the forbidden woman.”

Caught or Confess?

First, how did this porn issue come to light? Was your boyfriend caught or did he choose to confess. It makes a huge difference.

If you or someone else caught him, then I would strongly suggest an immediate break-up. Not necessarily a permanent break-up, but certainly immediate.

It’s not because porn is the unforgivable sin. It’s because your boyfriend doesn’t just have a porn problem. He has a much larger integrity problem.

Again, I don’t just blithely throw out these opinions.


I was there myself, totally captivated by the sin of porn, so I’m not trying to say your boyfriend is an evil pawn of Satan, but he is his prey right now.


I know what that feels like, to be trapped in that sin, hating it as much as I hated myself for being taken in by it.

But I didn’t stay there long, because I couldn’t. I couldn’t look my wife in the face day after day and keep this from her. I loved her too much, I respected her too greatly and I trusted her too deeply. And I knew she felt the same way about me.

So I had to tell her. I had to confess.

The nature of our relationship demanded a confession. What do you think your relationship should demand?

Porn isn’t His Only Problem

Of course, you aren’t married to your boyfriend, and so it’s possible he thought your relationship wasn’t far enough along for you to know about his issues with porn, and maybe he was right. It’s not exactly 1st date subject matter. Nor 2nd. Nor 3rd.

But if no one is intimately aware of his struggle, that’s a serious problem, because a porn habit simply isn’t one of those things you take care of all by yourself. You need help from others who can offer understanding, encouragement, resources, wisdom and accountability.

So I urge you: if you caught him, and he can’t immediately identify a trustworthy friend or mentor who has already been walking with him in his recovery, whom you can talk with yourself, then you need to break up with him for this one simple reason: you cannot trust this man.

Do you understand that?


You cannot trust someone who has become comfortable with hiding their sin instead of confessing it. That is a pattern as difficult to break as pornography.


You aren’t married to him. You’ve made no vow. You aren’t betraying him.

To the contrary, he has betrayed you. He’s been cheating on you. Maybe not in body, but in mind.

I know this is tough to hear, but if you’re willing to continue to give your heart to a man you cannot trust, then you do not understand your value in the eyes of your Creator.

And this is not only in your best interests, but in his as well. I need to take another post to explain that next week. I hope you’ll come back then, but for now understand this:


Your boyfriend’s issue with porn doesn’t make him unworthy of love, but it does make him unprepared for a romantic relationship.


That said, your break-up might just be the wake-up call he’s needed. Who knows? He just might slay this dragon and win you back!

But if not, the fact remains: you want a man you can trust.

Cheating men can be forgiven, but they can’t be trusted until they’ve given up their cheating ways and learned to walk in integrity.

But what if this porn problem is something he confessed to you of his own free will?

The good news then is he doesn’t have the same integrity problem. The bad news is he still has a serious problem, but that’s something we’ll cover next week as well. Again, check back then.

And in the meantime, if you’d like to understand more about what it takes to break free from porn you want to visit our Hot Topic page dedicated to that very thing.


DNA: It’s What’s For Dating

Dug this weekend’s DNA? Tell your friends by liking or commenting on our FMU Facebook page or on your own Facebook page by clicking the button below.

The LoveEd study guide series, Beyond Sex & Salvation, will empower you to prepare for relational success when it counts: BEFORE YOU FALL IN LOVE! It’s NOT for couples, but for any wise individual who thinks they might want to get married sometime before they die. Check out the first two 8-lesson study guides in our store. You can walk through it on your own, but it’s more fun with friends, so consider putting together an FMU LoveEd small group study. Even better?  And ask a married couple you respect to lead it!

Categories: DATING, PORN