Date Like No One’s Doing It (Dating 101)
A lot of people long to date, because they feel like everyone’s doing it.
Of course, what’s funny about that is they aren’t. Indeed, fewer and fewer people are dating, as hanging out and hooking up is so much easier. And since dating has lost all sense of purpose, you might as well go with easy.
But suppose everyone was dating (everyone, except you, that is). Didn’t your mom teach you that “everyone’s doing it” isn’t a good reason to do anything? (This is why #9 of the TOP10 Dumbest Reasons to Date is: Everyone’s Doing it.)
That said, do you know what would be fun? Even better, know what would be totally cool?
Instead of aspiring to join some herd of mindless daters on the other side of the fence, grazing in the fields of aimless relationships, what if you determined to do something truly adventurous?
What might that look like, you ask?
What? You think I could tell you that in one post? Well, I can’t.
But, fear not! We’ve been casting a vision for what your dating life could be in the pages of Date Night Advice for YEARS! So check out these seven Date Hacks below and click on the appropriate hyperlinks.
Date Hack: Pray for your Date instead of Preying on Them
Everyone else may be trying to “get some.” But if you want to get more than they’re getting, get with God about your dating life. Pray early and pray often. Pray for your date instead of preying on them. You’ll find if you spend more time doing the former you’ll be less tempted to do the latter.
I know, the latter can be a lot of fun. That’s probably why “everyone’s doing it.” However, it’s also using people which is frowned upon in most cultures, and for good reason, because it eventually erodes the heart of both the prey and the predator.
Date Hack: Instead of Spinning the truth, Just tell it.
Everyone else is taking their cues from pop culture, dating to impress someone else, instead of investing in them. This means keeping up appearances at all cost; usually at the cost of vulnerability and honesty.
But how about this. Instead of spinning the truth, just tell it. If someone can’t accept you in spite of who you are, you aren’t the one for them. Which, logically means they aren’t the one for you either.
Yes. I know that’s disappointing to discover, but far less disappointing early on in a relationship than after wasting months (or years) pretending to be who they want you to be.
Date Hack: Instead of Watching a Movie, Talk about Them
Everyone else is doing dinner and a movie (or even cheaper: Netflix and chips). Not only is that passé, it’s passive and positively not any way to grow a great relationship.
No, I’m not against movies. I LOVE THEM, but not on dates when you’re theoretically trying to get to know someone.
Instead of watching a movie, talk about them. Take turns sharing how your favorite flicks won your heart or why you fell asleep watching other films. You can learn a lot about someone from the movies they love (and hate); infinitely more than you can from passively watching a movie with them.
Date Hack: Set Realistic Expectations
Everyone else is dating with expectations set by Hollywood (though none of them will admit it). Actually, few even realize it, but that’s because they’re too busy clarifying that they have no expectations at all. (“Oh we’re not actually dating. We’re just seeing each other. It’s not serious.”)
Instead of pretending you don’t have any expectations, set realistic ones. Actually, bring your expectations out of the dark and into the light, before you date. If you never take the time to discover what expectations you have for dating you won’t even realize what crazy motivations are driving you to date. And those same motivations will drive your relationship life into ditch after ditch, and eventually drive you to drink. Speaking of…
Date Hack: Spend More Time Thinking than Drinking
Everyone else is drinking. Helps a body relax. However, it also has helped many a predator succeed in the preying we mentioned earlier.
Yes. I know, Jesus turned water to wine. (How could I forget thanks to Chris Tomlin?) But Jesus did this for someone’s wedding; not someone’s first date. The marriage decision was already made. Too late to turn back.
But when you’re dating you need your wits about you. Let’s put it this way, ain’t nobody ever said, “Alcohol really helped me make a wiser decision.” Well, no sober person anyway. So spend more time thinking than drinking.
Date Hack: Keep Things out in the Open
Everyone else is dating on their own. Alone. In private. And in doing so they set the stage for physical intimacy. Even couples, who desire sexual purity, will find it nearly impossible to keep their hands to themselves, if they put themselves in situations that make it nearly impossible for them to keep their hands to themselves.
The allure of isolation can make you feel intimacy that isn’t really there, and the knowledge that you’re alone will embolden desire and passion. So keep things out in the open. If you really want to keep your love life pure, don’t go places where you can’t be seen or walked in on without warning.
No. It’s not how everyone else is doing it, but this is the one single sex boundary that just might work.
Date Hack: Date on Purpose. Not by accident.
Want more? We’ve got it! Consider our vision for purpose-driven dating! You can read the entire series starting with this post, and then follow along with us over at YouTube as we walk through the series in our LoveEd video blog.
Come on and join us. Everyone’s doing it. (That was a joke.)
That’s it for this holiday edition of Date Night Advice, but if you follow any of the hyperlinks above you’ll have plenty of direction in how to date like no one’s doing it!
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For the next post in our Dating 101 series click here:
DNA: It’s What’s For Dating
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The LoveEd study guide series, Beyond Sex & Salvation, will empower you to prepare for relational success when it counts: BEFORE YOU FALL IN LOVE! It’s NOT for couples, but for any wise individual who thinks they might want to get married sometime before they die. Check out the first two 8-lesson study guides in our store. You can walk through it on your own, but it’s more fun with friends, so consider putting together an FMU LoveEd small group study. Even better? And ask a married couple you respect to lead it!