Don’t Date Like a Dummy

Whether you have found dating to be a tad daunting or whether your dating life is a complete disaster, I pose this question: Would you like to thrive throughout your dating experience?

Truth is, I merely survived the dating process. I emerged with an amazing wife who, after 20+ years, is still my best friend, but I made many missteps. Ridiculous missteps that would have never been made had I examined and understood the motives which drove me to date.

I believe you can thrive in your dating experience if you understand and commit to avoiding these ten dating blunders. But it’s going to take more than one quick post to do that. That’s why I spent the majority of last year walking through the TOP10 Dumbest Reasons to Date in our Date Night Advice (DNA) blog.

Now, here for the first time, I share all ten in one post, with hyperlinks for each dumb reason, so you can drill down and understand the motives of which you suspect you might be guilty.

#10: Because I Can
Some date just because they can. They’re old enough, they’re smart enough, and dog-gone-it people will go out with them. However, the right question is never, “Can I,” but “Should I?” The three posts in this series address the dangers of both a liberal perspective (I can do whatever I want) and legalistic perspective (I can do whatever I want as long as I complete the proper paperwork with the correct TPS cover sheet) on dating.

#9: Everyone’s Doing It
No they aren’t. Of course we all know this intellectually, but it doesn’t feel like it emotionally. I explain why that is in this two-part series, as well as investigate why we are so prone to follow the crowd in the first place.

#8: Just for Fun
Now don’t get me wrong. I LOVE FUN! Especially in dating. However, can we be perfectly honest? No one dates “just for fun.” If you just want to have fun with other people you hang out and have fun. You don’t call it a date. I learned this the hard way, so that you don’t have to… at least not after you read this three-parter.

#7: Somebody Asked Me
They did? Congratulations! But do you know why they asked you? Again, there are always motives for dating, or we’d just call it chillin’ like a villain. We cover a lot of ground in this five-part series, including both how to extend and receive a dating invite in a way that’s both intentional and sincere.

#6: I’m Curious
This approach treats dating like a scientific experiment. But the chemicals of romance are pretty powerful compounds to play with. That’s why, in three posts, I encourage you to satisfy your curiosity by pursuing solid friendships which hold the potential for romantic love to blossom, instead of continuing to date until you experience some magic movie-scene moment.

#5: Status
When I dated for status only my close friends knew. Now, thanks to Facetagram and Twitterest,  you can date for status and let the whole blooming world know. Over two posts we uncover the fallout of dating for both the “in a relationship” or “married” status.

#4: Belonging
When I was dating, I deeply longed to be accepted, validated, chosen. But this is an identity-killer, when it’s your motive for dating. Especially since belonging isn’t something you feel until you believe it. That means someone else can’t really make you feel like you belong even if you do. Does your heart ache to belong to another heart? PLEASE read at least the first of these three posts.

#3: Romance
Yes. I know. This doesn’t make sense. Romance is supposed to be what dating is all about. Unfortunately since romantic feelings are chemically induced, this motivation basically turns dating into a way of getting your next high. Does this sound like a healthy way to find a life partner? We talk about that in this three-part series.

#2: Sexual Intercourse
Five of the posts in this series wound up being our five MOST READ posts of last year. For a rundown of each post you’ll want to check out the post, Intercourse: It’s Not Just a City in Pennsylvania. You may very well not view sex in the same way again. And that’s probably a good thing.

#1: To Find Love
Again, like romance, this seems like an OBVIOUS reason TO date. Not a dumb one. However, in this three-parter we present three key truths about love that may very well set you free from needing to find love and learn how to live in the security of the love you already have.

I’m not saying that if you follow these guidelines everything will work out for you, but I am saying violating these principles will cost you something. Probably more than you think. So enjoy browsing these posts and then go out and enjoy your dating life!

Know someone else who might benefit from this series? Send them a link to this post. Raised any further questions? Ask them in the comments below or on our Facebook page.

DNA: It’s What’s For Dating

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The LoveEd study guide series, Beyond Sex & Salvation, will empower you to prepare for relational success when it counts: BEFORE YOU FALL IN LOVE! It’s NOT for couples, but for any wise individual who thinks they might want to get married sometime before they die. Check out the first two 8-lesson study guides in our store. You can walk through it on your own, but it’s more fun with friends, so consider putting together an FMU LoveEd small group study. Even better?  And ask a married couple you respect to lead it!

Categories: DATING, Learn from My Mistakes, TOP10 Dumbest Reasons to Date