The Relational Reporter: Guy Asks Out EVERY Girl in Church LITERALLY

After last Saturday’s student worship event, sources at Grace Bible Fellowship Chapel (GBFC) confirmed that Desmond “Dez” Parrot had officially asked out every girl in their student ministry “literally!”

According to church attendance records and surveillance camera footage, a total of 68 girls attend GBFC Student Ministry events in a given month, so trying to date them all certainly wasn’t a feat achieved in one night. Indeed, Parrot, who is now in his senior year, began his “dating ministry” at 16, when his parents said he was old enough.

“It was a little tricky with some girls. Like a couple of them actually had boyfriends at the time. But I just asked them as friends,” stated Parrot. “And one of them said ‘yes,’ when I agreed to let her boyfriend come too. Which was great for everyone, because her parents wouldn’t let her go out alone with him anyway.”

Parrot reported that several of the young ladies weren’t allowed to date at all, and a couple were forbidden to date him specifically. Even as “just friends.” But, as Parrot’s dating life verse states, “You have not, because you ask not.”

“One girl could only court. Which just means you have to interview with her Dad first, but I’ve had several interviews trying to get a job at Chick-fil-A,” continued Parrot. When asked why he wanted to court the father/interviewer’s daughter, Parrot recalled answering, “Jesus said we should be either hot or cold and I was convinced his daughter was probably like the third or fourth hottest girl in our church! At least at the time.”

And the hottest girl at GBFC, according to Parrot?

“That would be Stacy Schmahm, the student minister’s wife, but back when I asked her they were only engaged, because she had just graduated from high school the previous year. But since she was a little older than me, I thought she could kind of be a mentor to help me understand girls and hold me accountable to not lust.”

Accountability is an important part of Parrot’s dating ministry philosophy, which is why he didn’t just ask out all six incoming freshmen girls within the first month of school. He also offered to be a mentor of sorts. As Parrot put it, “I dated one of them for three weeks, as like her big brother.”

But the toughest challenge for Parrot? Girls who who were “dating Jesus.”

“I mean, who can compete with Him, right?” Honestly though, it was mostly a timing thing. Like one girl had just gotten broken up with and I wanted to take her out to encourage her,” confessed Parrot. “But apparently Jesus had the same idea, because they were already dating before I could ask her. Then I guess she must have decided to just be friends with Jesus because she was dating another guy two weeks later. And he was definitely not Jesus.”

The Relational Reporter: unreal stories. real truth. really funny.

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Turning 16 Doesn’t Make You Ready to Date

Of course the above scenario is fictitious, but all of the dating practices (or more accurately malpractice) reflected in the story aren’t made up. They all really happen in real churches. And not just in student ministries, but college, young adult and even divorce ministries.

Want to know if you’re ready to date? Check out this MAN2MAN memo on our Future Marriage University (FMU) YouTube channel. Then check out one of the Date Night Advice (DNA) posts below which will empower you to take a serious look at your motives and vision for dating.

Don’t Date Like a Dummy

Whether you have found dating to be a tad daunting or whether your dating life is a complete disaster, I pose this question: Would you like to thrive throughout your dating experience?

Truth is, I merely survived the dating process. I emerged with an amazing wife who, after 20+ years, is still my best friend, but I made many missteps. Ridiculous missteps that would have never been made had I examined and understood the motives which drove me to date.

I believe you can thrive in your dating experience if you understand and commit to avoiding these ten dating blunders. But it’s going to take more than one quick post to do that. That’s why I spent the majority of last year walking through the TOP10 Dumbest Reasons to Date in our Date Night Advice (DNA) blog.

Now, here for the first time, I share all ten in one post, with hyperlinks for each dumb reason, so you can drill down and understand the motives of which you suspect you might be guilty. [Read More]

 

What’s Your Vision for Dating?

Where there is no vision, the people are unrestrained, But happy is he who keeps the law. Proverbs 29:18 (NASB)

And in one sentence we discover where we went wrong with dating.

No vision.

No idea of what dating is supposed to accomplish.

And everyone does what is right in their own eyes.

Confused and muddled intentions leading to even even more confusing and muddled relationships.

“It’s complicated,” we state matter-of-factly in our social media profile and leave it at that. As if it can’t be helped. As if it doesn’t bother us that much anyway. [Read More]


Want to go beyond what a blog post can accomplish? The LoveEd discipleship series, Beyond Sex & Salvation, will empower you to prepare for relational success when it counts: BEFORE YOU FALL IN LOVE!

It’s NOT for couples, but for any wise individual who thinks they might want to get married sometime before they die. And would like to learn how to better build healthy relationships in the meantime.

Check out all three study guides in our store. You can walk through it on your own, but it’s more fun with friends, so consider putting together an FMU LoveEd small group study. Even better?  And ask a married couple you respect to lead it!

Categories: DATING