Are you Lonely? Read this before it’s too Late!
Date Night Advice (DNA) series: What Marriage Vows Cannot Vow
Part 2: Marriage Vows Cannot Vow to End Your Loneliness
I’m so sorry for your longing. Wish I could sweep it all away.
But you know I can’t.
I wish I could say something about tomorrow being a brighter day, or love being right around the corner, or we’ll look back on all this and laugh.
But I don’t even know you.
However, I know who does know you. Quite well, in fact.
As in everything there is to know about you.
No. Not Facebook.
I learned about Him through a guy named David. David knew a thing or two about loneliness. And of His God he declared:
“O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.” – Psalm 139:1-4 (ESV)
Did you fully take all that in? Because it was written by a guy who knew the loneliness of…
- Being overlooked by his entire family.
- Standing before a giant, with nothing but a leather strap and a handful of stones. And everyone watching from. From a safe distance, of course.
- Enduring the violent temper of an abusive boss who almost killed him more than once. In spite of his outstanding performance reviews.
- Living without a place to call home. Or even a place to call safe. With no one he could trust.
- Suffering the humiliation of a public sex scandal.
- Running for his life. From his own son.
What’s got you feeling so alone? Can you relate to any of David’s situations?
Do you think he could perhaps relate to yours?
Then maybe what comforted David might comfort you as well. For David found peace in recognizing God not only knew the minute details of his current situation, but knew everything David would endure over the course of his entire life. Before David was even born!
“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb… Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.” – Psalm 139:13, 16 (ESV)
Does God not seem Good Enough?
I know what you might be thinking.
That’s all well and good, but I’d like someone here, in the flesh, to hold me right now.
I get it. I thought that many times before I was married.
I’ve thought that many times since I’ve been married.
You see loneliness doesn’t go away just because real life flesh-and-blood people love us and care for us and hold us.
Not forever anyway. Not even in that “perfect” relationship with the “perfect” person with whom you’re “perfectly” matched up in blah blah blah areas of compatibility.
Because when we come to it, all of us truly are alone.
Alone with our thoughts.
Alone with our fears.
Alone with the longings we can’t quite understand ourselves, much less put into words.
No one truly knows your deepest heartaches. No one understands the temptations you can’t seem to resist.
No one gets you like you’ve always wanted to be “gotten.” No one except the Creator who breathed life into your soul and holds it as dear as the Son He delivered up for your redemption.
True! The intensity of romantic attraction can make you feel connected like nothing else. Like you’re on fire with passion and drowning in delight at the same time. Maybe you’ve felt what I’m talking about.
But where are those feelings now? Now you feel alone.
And truth is, if you meet “the one” after reading this post and marry them in due time, you’ll still feel alone in certain seasons. Because ultimately our loneliness will never find an end in romance, or marriage, or family.
Sure we were not made to be alone! That’s just what God said of Adam before instituting the first love story which began it all.
But Adam got a helpmate. Not a healer.
Eve got a soul mate. Not a savior.
David (who wrote the Psalms quoted above) was married, but it clearly wasn’t enough to end his loneliness.
That’s because, marriage vows cannot vow to end your loneliness. Even if your future spouse truly wants, with all of their good-willed heart, to bring the end to all your loneliness. Only God can fill that void: single, dating, engaged, married, divorced or widowed.
Only God can be your true Healer and Savior. And only when you find your contentment in Him, can your soul find peace even when you do feel alone.
So instead of redoubling your efforts to find that future love, redouble your efforts to pursue your First Love! The One who pursued you before you made any effort to pursue Him. Before you even know His name. Before you were ever born. Before the world was made.
Can you hear Him calling, Lonely One?
You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. – Jeremiah 29:13 (ESV)