Afraid of Losing at Love?
Date Night Advice (DNA) Series: 3 Truths about Love
However, the poet, Alfred Lord Tennyson, believed, “It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”
Then again, the biggest hit ever from art-rock outfit, Yes, asserts the “owner of a lonely heart” is “much better than an owner of a broken heart.”
Songwriters and poets aside, when we asked wise individuals, like you, to share their concerns about marriage, the majority of the responses revolved around the fear of losing at love.
But what if true love can’t be lost?
Of course, if you’ve had more than one romantic crush in your lifetime (which is about anyone reading these words) then you already know “that lovin’ feeling” most certainly can be lost. And it can be crushing. Especially if the love lost, was the other’s feelings for you.
The brokenhearted often swear they’ll never love again.
Until, of course, they fall for someone else.
And who can blame them? Because, no doubt about it, “that lovin feeling” feels AWESOME!
While it lasts.
But it doesn’t.
Not in real life anyway.
And real life is where we live. With real life weaknesses which prevent us from meeting even our own expectations, much less those of others. With real life flaws that make us difficult to love. And the real life fear that we might not even be lovable at all.
A Love You Can’t Lose
This is why our longing for love runs so deep.
It is also why a love born on the wings of feelings can never quench our thirst. Ever.
But the kind of love for which your heart most deeply longs, isn’t a feeling at all. It’s a sacrificial commitment. The kind Jesus displayed in his thirty or so brief years on this planet.
I know. That may not impress you.
The passion of Jesus probably never made you feel the way the passion of romance has.
I get it.
But what I hope I can convince you of is this:
If you will surrender to God’s love, you will find it faithful when the feelings of romance fail.
The love of Christ can bring a calm to your dating life, because His love is patient, which means it’s never anxious or in a rush to “make things happen.” It’s even patient with you. (In case you ever need it.) Plus the kindness of Jesus’ love can overcome all envy, boasting, arrogance and rudeness with a peace beyond understanding. (1 Cor 13:4).
His love is not self-seeking which means it will always be for you. Not necessarily for what makes you happy in the moment, but always for what will make you whole in the end! And even when you offend His selfless love, unlike earthly lovers who may lash out, freeze you out or plain ol walk out, the love of Christ is never easily angered in conflict, nor resentful afterwards. (1 Cor 13:5)
Further, Jesus love will always reveal the truth about you and your relationships. While those you trust may dance round the truth, either to take advantage of you or just to protect themselves, Christ’s love will never delight in evil, but always rejoice in the truth. Even the hard truth. (1 Cor 13:6)
And finally, His love can empower you to withstand the disappointment of romance lost (not love lost). By ourselves we will be crushed by the cruelty, indifference and betrayal of earthly lovers, but the love of Jesus “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”(1 Cor 13:7)
In three words: Love never fails. (1 Cor 13:8a)
In the end (and by God’s grace even before then), you will discover that all along it was God’s faithfulness for which your soul has so deeply yearned. Not fleeting romantic feelings.
However, because the life of the believer is a walk of faith, it’s possible God may ask you to give up on your immature (and self-centered) pursuit of romance first, before you you are able to discover the delight of His faithfulness.
Sure beats living a life controlled by the fear of losing love.
DNA: It’s What’s For Dating
It’s NOT for couples, but for any wise individual who thinks they might want to get married sometime before they die. And would like to learn how to better build healthy relationships in the meantime.
Check out all three study guides in our store. You can walk through them on your own, but it’s more fun with friends (that and it kinda makes sense to grow in relational success in actual relationships with others), so consider putting together an FMU LoveEd small group study.
Even better? And ask a rock star married couple you respect to lead it!