LOVE is NOT Something You Earn (Love Part 2)

TOP10 Dumbest Reasons to Date
#1: To Find Love


DNA-earn loveLast week we established that love is not something you find. It’s something you share. But what if you don’t have any love to share? What if your need for love is the very force that’s driving your desire to date?

Then you go to the source of love. Which isn’t an internet dating site, or a bar, or a club, or even the biggest young adult Bible study in town.

As we discovered last week, along with a woman who was looking for love by a well in Samaria, the only source of love – the well of living water – is Jesus.

Always the last place you look, right?

But why is that?


Why do we want to look anywhere and everywhere else for love other than Jesus? The reasons are probably endless, but I want to address just one:  We can’t earn God’s love.


Can’t earn God’s love?! Well where’s the challenge in that? Where’s the glory?

Isn’t that one of the things that makes the “game of love” so fun and exciting?

  • Caught their eye! (1 point)
  • Got them to smile back at me (2 points)
  • Had a flirtatious conversation (10 points)
  • Scored a first date (100 points)
  • Scored a second date (100 points)
  • Scored a goodnight kiss (500 points)

Look how well you’re doing! Soon you’ll be able to cash in those points at the prize counter for bragging rights or even a relationship status change on Facebook!

You see, we like to earn our love. It makes us feel good about ourselves.

The trick is, not only can we not earn God’s love, we can’t actually earn love at all. You can earn attention, acceptance, approval, affection, trust, respect, fear, even sex, but you can’t earn love.


Love that is earned is no love at all. Love by its nature must be freely given and freely received. That’s what makes it so extraordinary, so wonderful, and so humbling.


Do you understand that? And if so, do you believe it?

Is the God of the universe really the kind of God that Jesus described? Would He really leave the 99 to find one lost lamb? Would He truly sweep His whole house to find one lost coin? Would he actually sit on the front porch, scanning the horizon until His prodigal son returned, not so that He could say, “I told you so,” but so that He might say, “My beloved has returned”? (Luke 15)

If you believe in the love of that kind of God then simply receive it!

As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. – John 15:9 (ESV)

Then go ye therefore and date, my good friend! Follow the wisdom laid down in His good book. Do not turn from it to the right or to the left that it might go well with your dating life, even if things don’t turn out like you hoped!

If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love. – John 15:10 (ESV)


Risk hurt, knowing that as surely as the recklessness of the fool leads to ruin, risk for the kingdom is always rewarded (eventually).


Enjoy the process of dating, knowing God works all things for our good! And all means all.

These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full. – John 15:11 (ESV)

No longer date to earn love, but to freely share what was freely given to you!

“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. – John 15:12 (ESV)

Rest in God’s love – completely – knowing He has already proven His love for you once and for all!

Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. – John 15:13 (ESV)

One last thing that love is NOT which I’ll address next week and we’ll actually call it a wrap for the TOP10 Dumbest Reasons to Date.


DNA: It’s What’s For Dating

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The LoveEd study guide series, Beyond Sex & Salvation, will empower you to prepare for relational success when it counts: BEFORE YOU FALL IN LOVE! It’s NOT for couples, but for any wise individual who thinks they might want to get married sometime before they die. Check out the first two 8-lesson study guides in our store. You can walk through it on your own, but it’s more fun with friends, so consider putting together an FMU LoveEd small group study. Even better?  And ask a married couple you respect to lead it!

Categories: DATING, To Find LOVE, TOP10 Dumbest Reasons to Date