4 Mindsets that will Kill Your Relationships

We accept the reality that a successful career is the fruit of years of diligent study and hard work; much of that effort (at least 12 years of it) taking place before one’s career ever begins.

But as for a successful relationship?

It just happens.

Or doesn’t.

No training required for it to work.

No explanation required when it doesn’t.

We watch movies like Mr. and Mrs. Smith and they honestly can’t help it. (Love happens!)

They’re clearly made for each other. (Like peanut butter and chocolate.)

The fates have decided. (And who can argue with the fates?)

I mean sure, they have their issues, but the power of mutual passion holds them together. (Like Fiberfix.)

However, back in real life (IRL), Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, the stars of Mr. and Mrs. Smith, are now divorced. At the time of filming, their on-screen passion was so irresistible, it inspired them to live out the kind of relationship we all dream about. But, as everyone knows, dreams don’t last. (My post about their divorce was the third most read Date Night Advice (DNA) post of last year.)

So much for the relationship we dream about that “just happens.”

What killed Brad and Angelina’s relationship?

Couldn’t say, but in this post we’ll identify four love assassins responsible for the demise of many relationships. Maybe one of them is yours. A love assassin is a relational mindset that will stunt your social life and sabotage your ability to thrive in long-term, sacrificial relationships.

Like the trained assassins that were Mr. and Mrs. Smith, these mindsets don’t play games. They shoot to kill. And like a trained assassin, you won’t see them coming. And you likely won’t know what hit you after the damage is done.

That is, unless you take this post to heart and determine to root out any love assassins lurking in your heart and mind.

The Entitlement Mentality (The 007 Danger)

I see it a lot in relationship advice. The words, “You deserve…” followed by a never-ending list of non-negotiables.

Some of them are benefits you should reasonably accept from a healthy relationship. Indeed, some of those non-negotiables are so critical you shouldn’t need a post on the internet to apprise you of their necessity.

However, many times the things we think we deserve from our relationships we shouldn’t. And scarier, true to the tactics of a monster hiding behind a bowtie, many of the things we expect from relationships – especially the ideal romantic relationship – we don’t consciously recognize as expectations we hold.

Has this love assassin have you in it’s sites? Watch this edition of LoveEd and find out.

The 50/50 Principle (AKA: Mission Impossible)

Probably our earliest lessons on relationships involved the importance of fairness. And “equality” is the cry of almost every protest movement ever.

So what could be wrong with each person in a relationship pulling their fair share?!

If you think keeping all things equal in a relationship will make it work, you need to watch this Mission Impossible episode of LoveEd. That is your mission, should you choose to accept it.

(The Bourne) Identity Theft

When Jason Bourne is rescued at the beginning of The Bourne Identity he doesn’t know who he is.

Until, of course,  he meets the right girl.

Is that the kind of relationship you’re dreaming of? One where you discover yourself in the eyes of another. Or they find themselves in your eyes?

Find out why this is tantamount to “identity theft” and what makes it a love assassin deadlier than any sleeper agent activated by Treadstone. That’s just what we do in this edition of LoveEd and the episode that follows in the playlist (entitled: Who You Need to Know before You Date).

Control Addiction (AKA: The Chuck Norris Disorder)

If you struggle with the desire to control the people in your life the way Chuck Norris controls a situation, you need to understand the Chuck Norris Disorder before it undermines your future.

And even if you don’t struggle with control issues, you’ll want to watch this LoveEd episode just for the Chuck Norris jokes. I mean facts.

Don’t see any of those mindsets at play in your relationship life?

Are you sure?

If they weren’t hard to identify they wouldn’t be called “love assassins, ” so double check with someone who has your back. In other words, share this post and these videos with someone who knows and loves you well and ask for their honest assessment.

Then get ready for next week, because we’ve got five more Love Assassins to introduce to you.


DNA: It’s What’s For Dating

Dug this weekend’s DNA? Be a good friend and share with your friends on the social media platform of choice: Instagram, Youtube, Facebook, or Twitter.

Want to go beyond what a blog post can accomplish? The LoveEd discipleship series, Beyond Sex & Salvation, will empower you to prepare for relational success when it counts: BEFORE YOU FALL IN LOVE!

It’s NOT for couples, but for any wise individual who thinks they might want to get married sometime before they die. And would like to learn how to better build healthy relationships in the meantime.

Check out all three study guides in our store. You can walk through it on your own, but it’s more fun with friends, so consider putting together an FMU LoveEd small group study. Even better?  And ask a married couple you respect to lead it!

Categories: RED FLAGS, RELATIONSHIPS, ROMANCE