Mothers and Money (Pt 1)
Just in time for the coming weekend, we address #9 of the TOP10 Signs You’re on a Bad First Date: After picking you up, your date stops by their mom’s place for cash to pay for dinner.
My quick response – three little words: Get a job!
Seriously though, this First Date Fail raises the huge issue of responsibility. The younger you are the less likely you’ll be to consider your date’s level of responsibility, but the simple and sad reality is that irresponsibility breaks up many a serious relationship. Healthy dating should involve growing in intimacy and that requires learning to depend on someone. But if someone is undependable you can’t depend on them. (Yeah. I said that. I’m a real genius. Quote me.)
Despite the “no-duh” obviousness of that last declaration, desperate lovers depend on undependable dolts all the time. And in doing so they allow their heart to be hurt painfully and repeatedly.
This particular issue of using mom’s money raises red flags on at least three levels.
1) If you’re date can’t manage their money well enough to take care of one night’s expenses, BEWARE! This is the minimum financial responsibility you should expect from someone with whom you’d consider pursuing a serious relationship.
2) Even worse than the ridiculous lack of responsibility is where they learned it: Mom. They grew up that way, which means they really haven’t grown up enough to date. Their mom apparently raised them to depend on her rather than to care for their own needs.
3) Finally, the worst component of this situation is the obvious shamelessness. They clearly don’t think anything about it, or at least not enough to drop by mom’s before they pick up their date. At least they could have said, “I have to drop by my Mom’s to ahhh… give her a kiss.” No wait. That would be weird too.
So if your date has to pick up their allowance after they pick you up, suggest they have their mom set up your next date. After she’s gotten them a job. OK, don’t do that, but seriously – don’t go out with them again. I don’t care how sweet, funny or good-looking they are. (And you won’t care either after dating them for a year.)
That’s all I have to say about stopping by Momma’s for money for a meal and a movie. However, as long as we’ve introduced the topic, next week I’ll share several other areas of responsibility you want to look for in a potential dating partner.
How have you seen irresponsibility wreck a relationship you know? Was it obvious at first or did it come as a surprise?
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