Get a Job before You get a Date (Pt 1)
My quick response – three little words: Get a job!
Seriously though, this First Date Fail raises the huge issue of responsibility. The younger you are the less likely you’ll be to consider your date’s level of responsibility, but the simple and sad reality is that irresponsibility sinks many a serious relationship.
Healthy dating should involve growing in relational intimacy and that requires learning to depend on someone. But if someone is undependable you can’t depend on them. (Yeah. I said that. I’m a real genius. Quote me.)
Despite the “no-duh” obviousness of that last declaration, desperate lovers depend on irresponsible fools all the time. And in doing so they allow their heart to be hurt painfully and repeatedly.
This particular issue of using mom’s money raises red flags on at least three levels.
1) If your date can’t manage their money well enough to take care of one night’s expenses, BEWARE! This is the minimum financial responsibility you should expect from someone with whom you’d consider pursuing a serious relationship.
2) Even worse than the ridiculous lack of responsibility is where they learned it: Mom. They grew up that way, which means they really haven’t grown up enough to date. Their mom apparently raised them to depend on her rather than to care for their own needs.
3) Finally, the worst component of this situation is the obvious shamelessness. They clearly don’t think anything about it, or at least not enough to drop by mom’s before they pick up their date. At least they could have said, “I have to drop by my Mom’s to ahhh… give her a kiss.” No wait. That would be weird too.
So if your date has to pick up their allowance after they pick you up, suggest they have their mom set up their next date. After she’s gotten them a job.
OK, don’t do that, but seriously – don’t go out with them again. I don’t care how sweet, funny or good-looking they are. (And you won’t care either after dating them for a year.)
That’s all I have to say about stopping by Momma’s for money for a meal and a movie. However, as long as we’ve introduced the topic, next week I’ll share several other areas of responsibility you want to look for in a potential dating partner.
How have you seen irresponsibility wreck a relationship you know? Was it obvious at first or did it come as a surprise?
DNA: It’s What’s For Dating
It’s NOT for couples, but for any wise individual who thinks they might want to get married sometime before they die. And would like to learn how to better build healthy relationships in the meantime.
Check out all three study guides in our store. You can walk through them on your own, but it’s more fun with friends (that and it kinda makes sense to grow in relational success in actual relationships with others), so consider putting together an FMU LoveEd small group study.
Even better? And ask a rock star married couple you respect to lead it!