No More Love Autopsies (Somebody Asked Me Part 3)
Sounds a bit like relationships, don’t it?
Sadly, most of us wind up doing all of our relational dissections postmortem. As Hugh Grant sang in Music and Lyrics, “Figuring out you and me is like doing a love autopsy. They could operate all day long and never figure out what went wrong.”
If you’re into “love autopsies,” stop reading now. On the other hand, if you prefer to keep your relationships, not only alive, but vibrant, READ ON! Exploratory surgery is all about accurate diagnosis, so let’s put in the effort to see what we might learn from dissecting this date invite. Scalpel… Light… Time to make our primary incision…
I’d like to ask you out for a date… (Or a court – whatever you want to call it. Just make sure you’re establishing this one-on-one event as something significant. If it’s not significant, then it’s not a date. It’s just hanging out.)
…but I want you to know why. What? Why?! Why what?!?! We’ve already deviated from the set Hollywood script, but this will get your potential date’s attention. Even better, you’ll be answering the single most important question you can answer about any life endeavor: WHY? However, to explain the reasoning behind your date invite, you’ll have to analyze the relationship ahead of time – aka dissect it. This reflection will go a LONG WAY to setting your dating life off on the right foot. Luke 14:25-33
I feel like I’ve gotten to know you pretty well over the last [insert number] months… If you haven’t known this person for more than a month, I urge you to hold off on that first date. If they’re “the one” destined for you before the dawn of time, the first date can wait another couple months. After all, the consummate love passage, 1 Corinthians 13, describes love first and foremost as “patient.” If it’s not patient it’s not love.
… and you’ve impressed me by… This is where you want to share a couple specific character qualities, abilities, actions and/or ideas that have caught your attention. Are they surprisingly kind or courageous? Are they fun to listen to or quick to listen? Have they helped you accomplish a goal or solve a problem? You don’t have to “tell all,” – and you shouldn’t. You don’t want to overwhelm them, but without any background, they may be left to assume you’re just physically attracted to them. How shallow would that be? (smile) Seriously, if you can’t think of anything beyond “You’re really pretty. And nice,” I don’t think you know this person well enough to date them. Speaking of, do you know the three things you should know about your date before you date?
I’ve been glad to call you a friend… Is this true? Or have you only been getting to know this person because you wanted them to be your pet? If so, don’t say this. It would be misleading. This is not the time to be forthcoming about your internet stalking and private daydreams, so keep the gory details to yourself, but be honest. Honesty is a prerequisite for a healthy relationship, not a convenience. (Prov 3:1-8)
Speaking of friends, make sure you talk to one or two of them before asking out “that special someone.” Nothing’s better for confidence in your “love life” then having great friends who know you and love you well (platonically) “in your corner” pulling for you and praying for you.
We’ll finish the rest of our exploratory surgery next week. In the meantime, feel free to dissect what I already have and even offer a second opinion.
Is it time for a relational dissection group? Check out the LoveEd study guide series, Beyond Sex & Salvation. It might get messy, but it’s an easy study to take up and will help you gain helpful perspective on sex, relationships and dating. Check out Part 1: Three Critical Life Lessons for Relational Success NOW on iBooks, Kindle or Nook.
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