“OK, let’s get this over with.”
I asked wise individuals like you to share with me their worst first date FAILS! And they did share. Oh did they share!
Then for last week’s Date Night Advice, I took those stories and concocted the TOP10 Signs You’re On a Bad First Date.
Now that we’ve all had a good laugh (or cry) over some of those sad sob stories, I thought it might be a good idea to do something constructive with them. Let’s see if we can’t read between the lines (or between the embarrassing circumstances) to see what we can learn. This week we’ll start with the first part of #10.
#10: Your date’s opening line is: “OK, let’s get this over with.”
Wow. What in the world made someone think that this was a good way to begin a fun evening?
When’s the last time this person had a fun evening? When’s the last time they had fun? Or were they actually trying to be funny?
Do I really know why this “first date FAIL” chose to commence the dating festivities with this toast? No. I’m not a prophet, mind-reader nor a shrink.
However, these six little words do indicate one thing: disrespect. And disrespect is not cool – especially not on a date – most especially not on a first date. I’m not even saying that they are intending any disrespect. They may have an underdeveloped sense of humor, or trying to conceal insecurity or both, but a veiled insult is still a veiled insult.
What this person is communicating is, “I don’t want to do this,” but the question is: what is the “this” they don’t want to do?
They don’t want to be out on a date at all?
They don’t want to be out on a date with you?
Either way, I wouldn’t want to be out on a date with them either. I wouldn’t say that (or maybe I would, but I wouldn’t recommend you say that.) However, if I were you, I’d respond with a polite laugh (which hopefully won’t sound too forced) and then offer to give them their wish.
Use your own words, of course, but you could reply something to the effect of: “You know what? I don’t really know why you said that, but I don’t want to go out on a date just to get it over with. I date to grow relationships. If you’re not interested in that, I’d really rather go ahead and call this date over now. Your call.”
I realize this might not be considered a “nice” way to respond, but it is still respectful. (Heck, their opening line wasn’t nice nor respectful.)
When you truly respect others, you respect yourself.
Our culture is so shallow it holds tolerance and niceness up as cardinal virtues, but truth and honor trump tolerance and niceness any day.
Maybe you think just ignoring the remark and trying to make the best of the evening would be a better route, and you’re welcome to do that. It’s your dating life, but consider this: generally speaking, the typical person is on their absolute best behavior on a first date. (Something about you only get one chance to make a first impression.) So anyone willing to lead with this line isn’t someone you should expect better things from in the future.
I’m not recommending you break off all relations with this person and disconnect your phone. I’m saying, that you should respond to disrespect with a honorable reply that makes clear to your date that you take relationships seriously and that you respect them too much to let them get away with sarcastic or aloof comments that are really only funny on TV sitcoms (or TOP10 lists).
Now you’re going to find out something from their response to your reply. It may not be something you want to know, but it most assuredly will be something you need to know.
And we’ll get more into that when we address the issues lurking behind this charming greeting: “Are you a parking ticket cuz you got fine written all over you!”
It’s NOT for couples, but for any wise individual who thinks they might want to get married sometime before they die. And would like to learn how to better build healthy relationships in the meantime.
Check out all three study guides in our store. You can walk through them on your own, but it’s more fun with friends (that and it kinda makes sense to grow in relational success in actual relationships with others), so consider putting together an FMU LoveEd small group study.
Even better? And ask a rock star married couple you respect to lead it!