Why Porn and I are Never Ever Ever Getting Back Together

dna-never getting back togetherI was hooked back in grade school; from the moment I sat gawking at the weather-beaten magazine I found mysteriously hidden under a log in the woods. I didn’t know it at the time, but I was hooked.

I never saw that magazine again, but I couldn’t forget the images. Perfect bodies, in positions so teasing, so inviting. Showing private parts I had beforehand never dared dream would look so alluring.

And there were faces on those bodies too. They were also perfect, with those accepting, even eager looks they gave me.

The looks they gave ME…


That’s the double-whammy of pornography, because it plays on both our natural drive for sexual pleasure and our innate need for acceptance.


Porn always made me feel accepted, admired, desired. This made porn an especially powerful temptation for a lonely teen.

I hear it does that for a lot of people.

Thank goodness Al Gore hadn’t yet unveiled the internet when I was in high school. (I need to send him a thank you note.) This meant my exposure to porn was limited to the rare occasions when I wouldn’t risk exposure. Fortunately for me, my fear and pride were far more powerful forces than my passion for porn.

But don’t worry. Whoever hid that first magazine under the log, made sure I could find porn in other places here and there. Just enough to keep the fires burning. And in the in-between times there was always the women’s underwear section of the Sears Catalog. (Gore hadn’t yet rolled out Victoria’s Secret. Wait. Maybe that was Clinton. Anyway, I digress.)

Leap forward to the year 2000. Julie and I not only survived Y2K, but our first six years of marriage. However, August 1 we hit our own personal Y2K crisis of sorts. I was laid off. Six months after we bought our first home. And as we were expecting our third child.

And then the information superhighway was there for me, to help me find a job. And to offer me some love and companionship, late at night, while my wife slept soundly.

Aside from the aforementioned VS catalog, I hadn’t seen porn since high school. But it was just as intoxicating as I remembered. Even more so. Now that I had sexual experience, I could fantasize so much more “realistically.” (So much for marriage solving the old lust problem.)

Regardless, in less than six months, I broke up with porn.

I had to have my wife’s help in doing so. That was rather humiliating, but after making my first couple of confessions to Julie, I just couldn’t bear the thought of spending the rest of my life trying to kill this beast on my own, and subsequently failing and then getting-back-up and trying again, only to fail again. So together we put a plan in place which made porn completely inaccessible for a couple years. Pretty drastic measures, but we broke up for good.

And I can tell you, I never. ever. ever. want to get back together.

Again.

The initial reason was pretty simple. I loved porn, but I loved other things more. Namely my God, my wife and my family. Turns out, my relationship with porn was an affront to all of them.

Even better, within those first two years of forced abstinence I quickly found several other things I loved more than porn. So many things, in fact, that I didn’t have to be protected from porn like I did at first. I could simply refuse it’s calls and ignore it every time it came a knockin’ on my door.

But probably my greatest motivation to make our breakup permanent is this epiphany:


No matter how much I loved porn, it never loved me back.


I thought it did at one time. It was so convincing – the way it looked at me – but time reveals the truth.

You ever been with someone like that?

It’s more than a little dehumanizing to open yourself up to someone only to be used by them in return. And no small bit humiliating when you look back on how foolish you were. Such is my feeling about my on-again-off-again “so called” relationship with porn.

I understand you may still love it. I get it. I know the charm it wields in that captivating smile alone.

But you will eventually discover that what was true for me is true for you.

Porn doesn’t love you.

Will never love you.

Can never love you, because it has no love to give.

Only an empty smile.

So it’s time to decided. Time to draw a line in the sand, once and for all. It’s time to tell porn where to go. And when you do, I hope you’ll resolve to never ever ever get back together.

I’m praying you will! Find help on our Hot Topic page dedicated to freedom from porn.


DNA: It’s What’s For Dating

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Categories: Julie, Learn from My Mistakes, PORN
  • Nate Larkin

    Excellent post, Michael!

    • Thanks so much Nate! And for those of you reading the comments here, check out Nate’s ministry for helping you deal with brokenness and addiction (not that he knows anything about that): http://samsonsociety.net/

  • Ceejay Macasiab

    I was really struck through these lines…
    “Porn doesn’t love you…Will never love you…Can never love you, because it has no love to give.
    Only an empty smile.”
    …thinking if I can share this through social media…

    • GLAD it spoke to you Ceejay!! Share all you like!! God bless you for your encouragement!