Sexually Pure or Pure Legalism? (Sex Part 6)

TOP10 Dumbest Reasons to Date
#2: Sexual Intercourse

DNA-purityLast week I shared a strategy for sexual purity: watch what you watch. And with this recommendation, I clarified that it’s likely the porn you’re drawn to when you’re alone at night isn’t the problem – at least not the source of the problem.

Dig deeper. What more “innocuous” programming inspires the fantasies which subsequently motivate you to seek out erotic images and literature? Cut out that “innocent” programming and over time it will help you control your fantasy life. Curtail those fantasies and over time you will find the pull of porn less powerful.

Easy to understand, but hard to do. Indeed, I often hear questions like these:

“If sexual stimulation is treated as bad before marriage, how can it suddenly be viewed as good to pursue in marriage?”

“How can you tell if you’re sexually compatible before marriage if you never have sex till after marriage?”

Fair questions, especially in light of stories such as the Salon piece, My Virginity Mistake, where a young lady blames her quick and unavoidable divorce on her lack of sexual compatibility with her spouse. Her conclusion: Sexual experience before the wedding day would have revealed that problem and prevented a failed marriage.

I could say a LOT about this article, but here’s the main problem I have with the conclusion above: SHE DID HAVE SEXUAL EXPERIENCE with her fiancé before her wedding day!

She states matter-of-factly, “Before we got married, I used to love kissing him. We would spend hours attached at the mouth because, aside from occasional drunken foreplay, it was all we had.”

Spending “hours attached at the mouth” and engaging in “drunken foreplay” is sexual experience. Remember: sex is a conversation (that begins even before foreplay), so though this disillusioned young lady held her virginity until her wedding night, she and her fiancé made the same mistake my wife, Julie, and I made. They had already enjoyed many extensive sexual conversations before marriage.

In reality, this woman didn’t hold to sexual purity at all. She held to moral legalism. And the proof is found in her reaction to her disappointment after marriage. In less than six months she wanted a refund.

You see a legalist doesn’t keep the letter of the law for nothing. No sir! They keep it so they can earn whatever it is they believe they deserve for their obedience.

How do I know this so well? I’m a recovering legalist myself. How about you?

In the end, sexual purity did not set these two frisky lovers up for sexual disillusionment. To the contrary: their sexual impurity did so. And what was far more destructive than the premarital sexual activity itself, was their idolatry of sexual experience that led them to engage in the “drunken foreplay” and to fantasize about what it would be like to finally “go all the way.”

I know Salongirl and I aren’t alone in this. Many, many, Jesus-loving star-crossed lovers struggle with idolizing the sexual experience. I dare say, sex is the main reason most conservative Christians marry at all.

So I don’t judge this woman. But God’s word judges her. And me. And you.

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. – Hebrews 13:4

Fortunately (Praise God!), the judgment of scripture is not presented so that we can feel bad about our sin and live forever in shame, but so that we can confess and repent of our sin and live forever in freedom. You can do that right now. And I pray you will. And then, as a next step, determine to keep things out in the open.

We’ll continue with our “sexual compatibility” discussion next week. Until then I’m praying for the freedom of true purity for you, before and after you say, “I do!”

DNA: It’s What’s For Dating

Dug this weekend’s DNA? Tell your friends by liking or commenting on our FMU Facebook page or on your own Facebook page by clicking the button below.

The LoveEd study guide series, Beyond Sex & Salvation, will empower you to prepare for relational success when it counts: BEFORE YOU FALL IN LOVE! It’s NOT for couples, but for any wise individual who thinks they might want to get married sometime before they die. Check out the first two 8-lesson study guides in our store. You can walk through it on your own, but it’s more fun with friends, so consider putting together an FMU LoveEd small group study. Even better?  And ask a married couple you respect to lead it!

 

image source: flickr.com/photos/madison_elizabeth_photography

Categories: PORN, SEX, Sexual Compatibility, Sexual Intercourse, TOP10 Dumbest Reasons to Date