Why Good Girls Give In
Date Night Advice (DNA) Series: Sexual Things
The MeToo movement has highlighted the sexual predatory side of this reality, and we touched on that as well previously in our Sexual Things series, but right now I’m talking about why girls give in when there isn’t the kind of threat associated with sexual assault.
Last week, we shared three reasons why good girls like bad boys who seem to only want one thing. This week we share five more reasons good girls give in.
#4: The Thrill of the Chase
Any time you’re chased you’re going to get the old adrenaline flowing. And the adrenaline high only increases with the excitement of the chase. Run, good girl! Run!
However, dear ones of the feminine genre, as fun as it is to enjoy the neurochemistry of being the pursued, please understand it isn’t worth it. Sex regret is real. And, for women, sex regret is statistically far more likely to be associated with giving into sexual advances than with resisting them.
And worse than “the morning after,” is years later when you find the marriage bed lacks the luster you remember back when your “lover” was driven more by lust than love. In other words, you risk imprinting sexual enjoyment with novelty, nervousness, secrecy and risk, when a healthy life-long sexually monogamous relationship is defined by familiarity, trust, intimacy and security. We talked about this more in a previous episode in this series.
In case you hadn’t heard, alcohol as one of the three common components of the hook up culture.
There’s a logical reason for this. And no, it’s not that drinking heightens sexual enjoyment.
To the contrary, alcohol is the leading cause of impotence. But what drinking does do is lower social inhibitions and weaken impulse control. So if you’re wanting to get frisky with a stranger, it’s just what the doctor ordered.
But here’s the the question you have to ask yourself: is this the pattern you want to establish for your sex life?
Guy: Get girl drunk first. Or at least tipsy.
Girl: Get drunk first. Or at least tipsy.
Dear ones, guys and girls, good or bad, there’s a reason for those inhibitions! God did not make sex or even sexual arousal as a mere recreational activity.
God made sex to be a part of a relationship. A special relationship.
More specifically God made sex to facilitate and embody the oneness of a life-long, sacrificial relationship called marriage. I know that’s old school to think that way. (Do the kids still use the term “old school” or is that old school?)
Old school or not, our heart’s know this. Why else would one feel compelled to numb their mind before engaging in the mind-blowing experience of sex? This is also why I urge you not to drink and date.
#6: Everyone’s Doing It
Of course we know everyone isn’t doing it, but there are quite a few folks who are, and the more women willing to give a man their body for nothing makes it easier for the next one to cave. And the key part of that last statement is “for nothing.” Because that’s what’s happening in many of these situations. The guy is getting to do what he wants with the girl, who gives in for literally nothing: no ring, no commitment, many times not even a nice dinner. Not even a microwave dinner. N.O.T.H.I.N.G.
Calling all men of honor: tell all the women you know they are worthy of having their body defended instead of devoured, and worthy of a marriage commitment before sharing their body with a man.
#7: Sex is a Conversation
Here’s a huge reason good girls (and even good guys) give into sexual temptation they never intended to: they fail to grasp how progressive the sexual experience is. And so they set physical boundaries which are practically indefensible in the heat of the moment.
For instance, they may view the act that produces babies as clearly sexual and determine not to engage in that, but then see making out for an hour (or two or three) as good clean fun.
The trick is, sex is more of a conversation than it is a group of acts off limits to good little girls and boys. And this conversation begins long before the “clearly sexual” territory is entered into. One thing just leads to another. To another. Until you’ve crossed lines you promised you never would. That’s why we recommend this one single sex boundary.
#8: Oh yeah, and they might actually like it.
Finally, many girls give in and give their bodies away for the same reason guys do. They like how it makes them feel.
Yes. Girls can enjoy sex too. Who knew?
Admittedly, it is a much more complicated endeavor for women to arrive at sexual climax than it is for the average guy. However, most of the enjoyment of the sexual experience is found in the dopamine rush of anticipating what’s coming next as the couple moves from holding hands to gazing into each other’s eyes to kissing (in the style of the French) to… well you get the picture. (In fact, stop picturing and read the next line.)
That said, true enjoyment of sexual abandon can only be found in the middle of a marriage who’s deepest delight is not found in sexual compatibility, but sacrificial commitment.
What a good God we have, who would design such a pleasurable gift for the boundless enjoyment of a couple committed to one another for life!
And what a crime to cheapen that gift by making it into something we gawk at in a “family friendly” TV show like Stranger Things.
Now please understand dear reader, I don’t want you to be ashamed about all the make out scenes you’ve watched. I want you to be concerned. I’m not trying to judge you. I’m trying to warn you.
When I was younger, I watched far racier fare than what I’ve seen in Stranger Things, but I’ve learned what all that sexually stimulating input did to me.
The important question is: do you know what it’s doing to you?
We’ll talk about that next week, but in the meantime what are your thoughts? Feel free to share in the comment section below.
DNA: It’s What’s For Dating
It’s NOT for couples, but for any wise individual who thinks they might want to get married sometime before they die. And would like to learn how to better build healthy relationships in the meantime.
Check out all three study guides in our store. You can walk through them on your own, but it’s more fun with friends (that and it kinda makes sense to grow in relational success in actual relationships with others), so consider putting together an FMU LoveEd small group study.
Even better? And ask a rock star married couple you respect to lead it!