“You Got Fine Written All Over You!” Pt IV
This is our Last week to address this whopper of a one-liner: “Are you a parking ticket cuz you got fine written all over you!” (Check out the inspiration behind this discussion here.) Depending on how much you enjoy the movie Dumb and Dumber, you could even be flattered by such a silly compliment. But that’s just it. This kind of come-on is flattery and flattery by its very nature is disingenuous.
Now as I prepare to find fault with flirting, I must confess that one of my nicknames back in college was MC Scammer, because I liked to flirt quite a bit with the ladies. (True story.) I never used this pick-up line in particular, but only because I never heard of it. So know I’m admonishing you as one who’s already been there, done that. And wishes he hadn’t.
The beauty of flirting is that it enables you to test the waters with someone you find attractive (or fine as a parking ticket) to see if they might feel similarly about you. You say, “Is it hot in here or is it just you,” and then gauge their reaction. If they laugh awkwardly and then suggest you might be coming down with a fever, you can laugh too and know you just had your thermostat set to “Cool It.” You were able to find out someone didn’t think of you “in that way” and you did so without risking anything. You were just having fun. Congratulations.
Consider the straight forward alternative:
You: I find you very attractive and am wondering if you feel the same about me.
The other person: No I do not.
OUCH! No wonder I preferred flirting to straight forward inquiry.
However, what if you say something like: It’s really nice to meet you, but I think I should call heaven right away and let them know I found their missing angel.
And they reply: Oh I’m not missing. I asked to be assigned to you.
Well then now you’ve a match made in heaven. Or do you? Actually, since neither of you have engaged in a straight forward conversation you don’t really know if the person responded sincerely. But with as lighthearted as their flirtatious response made you feel who cares. (You might have even experienced a shot of endorphins just reading that little exchange. This is why we flirt and read romance novels.)
The reality is that any of the following could be true of a positive response to your own flirtatious remark:
A. They’ve been dreaming of this moment their whole lives.
B. They’re actually more interested in your friend, but you’ll do.
C. They appreciate your wit and wanted to showcase their own.
D. They just like to flirt and would be just as happy to do so with a hamster.
Here’s the deal, wise individual, sure it’s fun to flirt, but what are you playing around with here? YOUR HEART (and theirs). Momma said, “It’s all fun and games until someone loses an eye!” And in flirting, it’s all fun and games until someone loses their confidence or sense of self-worth. (And remember, our worth shouldn’t be found in how attractive others find us physically.)
If you spend a first date exchanging empty flirtatious banter designed to tease each other while entertaining yourselves, you establish no relationship by night’s end. Neither party reveals anything nor learns anything significant about the other. What a waste.
Is that what you want from your dating life – a series of scripted soap opera or sitcom episodes that you can tell your friends about? (“I can’t believe they said that! Are you serious?!? What did you say?!”) Or do you want to grow in healthy life-giving relationships?
Life is short and relationships are precious. First, seek to truly get to know people in authentic community. Then prayerfully consider taking a specific relationship to the next level. You should already be past shallow pick-up lines before you’re ever on your first official date.
Am I making sense here? Am I taking this too seriously? If you disagree, share how flirting helped you start a great relationship.
Next week we address #9 of the TOP10 Signs You’re on a Bad First Date: After picking you up, your date stops by their mom’s place for cash to pay for dinner. (Oh baby, this is going to be fun!)
DNA: It’s What’s For Dating
It’s NOT for couples, but for any wise individual who thinks they might want to get married sometime before they die. And would like to learn how to better build healthy relationships in the meantime.
Check out all three study guides in our store. You can walk through them on your own, but it’s more fun with friends (that and it kinda makes sense to grow in relational success in actual relationships with others), so consider putting together an FMU LoveEd small group study.
Even better? And ask a rock star married couple you respect to lead it!