You want to get their number?
Are you sure?
How can you be sure?
By making sure you know these four facts first:
#1: What are your intentions?
Before we get started, let me give you some perspective. I’m the father of two daughters, both uniquely beautiful and mysterious creatures whom I have known, loved, cherished and cared for since the day they drew first breath. That is to say, long before any bloke who might want to get their number this weekend has known them. And if some young man were to ask one of them for her number, I’d want his intentions to not only be clear, but pure as snow.
But the reality is this. If you’re like most, you likely don’t know what your intentions are for dating at all, much less what your intentions are for getting a particular number. Not in any concrete, meaningful way.
I hope that doesn’t come across accusatory. If I’m correct, it’s not your fault. Our culture hasn’t taught you anything different and you can’t know what you don’t know.
Which brings us to a general rule of thumb:
Any successful endeavor requires clarity of both your immediate purpose and ultimate goal.
Would you like your dating life to be a successful endeavor? Then consider these TOP10 Dating InTENtions before asking for those ten digits.
#2: What is their name?
First things first. Before you ask for their number, get their name.
Unless all this person is to you is a number. Then by all means, just get the number.
Of course, this fact should be a given. However, when your palms are sweating and your heart is racing just from being in the presence of this divine specimen of the opposite sex, it can be hard to think clearly.
Consider this rule of thumb:
Remember that before you know their name, they are a stranger.
They might be a sharp-looking stranger, dressed to kill, but they’re still a stranger. And the only people who call strangers are annoying sales people. And not even annoying sales people text strangers. Eww.
Finally, don’t forget: even after you know their name, you still don’t know them. Even if you feel like you do after only one evening.
#3: Are they available?
I read a post a year ago, written by a Christian single encouraging her peers to get out of their comfort zone, and risk a little when it comes to the dating game. As an example, she shared a recent experience with the cable guy who, after installing her cable, left his number just in case there were any problems.
Now I’m betting we can all agree that a cable installation would be a rather awkward situation in which to pop the question, “So are you seeing anyone?” But the fact remains that when the writer of the article later used the number the cable guy left to text and ask him out, she found out he was already seeing someone. Awkward.
How about this for a rule of thumb:
If it would be premature to ask someone if they’re in a relationship, it’s probably premature to ask for their number.
What does this mean for you who fear that if you don’t get their number now you may never get the chance again? It means you need to stop looking at your dating life as a chance endeavor and start trusting our sovereign God who wants you to walk in healthy, whole relationships even more than you do (probably including a future marriage)! He will not penalize you for exercising discretion and self-control.
Will God ask you to risk? Certainly, but prudently, not impetuously, and most assuredly not motivated by fear.
#4: What’s their relationship status with Jesus?
There is one serious relationship you do want someone to have before you entertain the possibility of initiating one with them as well. That’s a relationship with Jesus. Not a dating relationship, mind you, but one of intense intimacy never the less.
Now I know you might be thinking, “Dude! I’m just asking for a number. Not a relationship! It’s just a number!”
Yes. I understand. I truly get it. Trying to get a bead on someone’s spiritual life right after meeting them, might seem a tad premature. Perhaps invasive. Potentially awkward even. You know, like say, trying to get their number right after meeting them.
But I think this issue is so important, I want to tackle it in depth in our next Date Night Advice (DNA) post. In the meantime, at least pray about this suggestion. At least before you get that next number.
DNA: It’s What’s For Dating
Dug this weekend’s DNA? Be a good friend and share with your friends on the social media platform of choice: Instagram, Youtube, Facebook, or Twitter.
Want to go beyond what a blog post can accomplish? The LoveEd discipleship series, Beyond Sex & Salvation, will empower you to prepare for relational success when it counts: BEFORE YOU FALL IN LOVE!
It’s NOT for couples, but for any wise individual who thinks they might want to get married sometime before they die. And would like to learn how to better build healthy relationships in the meantime.
Check out all three study guides in our store. You can walk through it on your own, but it’s more fun with friends, so consider putting together an FMU LoveEd small group study. Even better? And ask a married couple you respect to lead it!
