Would you like to know God’s will for your dating life?
I mean, for real? And not only for your dating life, but do you simply want to know His will?
Fortunately, our God wants us to know His will even more than we want to know it. In fact, three verses in the Bible explicitly declare, “This is the will of God.” And though dating wasn’t even a thing in Bible times, one of those verses proffers a very clear direction for your dating life. (I guess you could say God is pretty forward-thinking.)
For this is the will of God, your sanctification … —1 Thessalonians 4:3a ESV
There it is in black and white. God’s will is our sanctification. That means our purity, purification, or holiness.
So, the next natural question is, “How do you date in a pure and holy way?”
Well, we don’t have to wonder for long, for Paul clarifies it in the following verses, beginning with the second half of the verse we just read.
For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality … —1 Thessalonians 4:3 ESV (emphasis mine)
Paul says if we truly want to follow God’s will, we will abstain from sexual immorality. The Greek word for “sexual immorality” is “porneia.” It’s the root word of “pornography,” and refers to any sexual activity outside of marriage. Can you see what this has to do with dating?
Sexual Purity Is Bigger Than Abstinence
Put simply, if you want to follow the will of God in your dating life, you will save sex for marriage. But Paul doesn’t just leave us with a “no-no,” he wants us to catch a vision for how we should live our lives, and therefore how we should date.
For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor … —1 Thessalonians 4:3-4 ESV (emphasis mine)
Wow. That’s a grander picture of God’s will, isn’t it? He’s not just asking us to refrain from certain naughty things, He’s calling us up to become a certain kind of person. Not just a non-naughty person, but a person of true integrity, someone who knows “how to control his own body in holiness and honor.” Is that a tall order? Yes. Indeed, if you do not have God’s Holy Spirit inside you, I believe it’s an impossible order. However, I also find it inspiring.
The Biblical Sexual Standard Has Always Seemed “Unrealistic”
Regardless of anyone’s opinion, let me put one myth to death right here and now—the myth that the moral standards of scripture are no longer applicable because past cultures were somehow less “progressive” than we are today.
On the contrary, according to this passage, the culture in Paul’s day wasn’t any more chaste than ours is now.
For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God … —1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 ESV (emphasis mine)
I guess you could say that those “who do not know God” have always lived their lives “in the passion of lust.” And in Jesus’ day, they managed to live so without the prevalence of internet porn.
So if Paul’s words applied back then, they apply to us today. Put simply, those who know God should act very differently from those who do not, whenever in history or wherever in the world they find themselves.
Do you really want to know God’s will? Well, this is obviously a pretty big deal to Him. And if you’re still not convinced, let’s continue reading after verse 5:
… that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you. For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness. Therefore whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you. —1 Thessalonians 4:6-8 ESV
If you would like an entire book filled with the kind of practical, Biblical wisdom on sex, dating, and relationships you just finished reading, you can get it NOW! The above post is an excerpt from Date Like You Know What You’re Doing: Your DatePrep Guide. Here are other excerpts from the same book.
A dating life that leads to a life-giving, lifelong marriage doesn’t happen by accident. You need to know what you’re doing.
That’s why I wrote Date Like You Know What You’re Doing to empower you to:
Discern God’s will for your dating life.
Avoid heartbreak, rejection, and regret.
Date with confidence and clarity.
Win the war over sexual temptation.
Let your marriage hopes inspire, instead of impede your dating life.
Better understand your sexuality and how to effectively pursue sexual purity in video form! This video featured on our FMUniversity YouTube channel introduces several different LoveEd series on sexuality.
Got a Complicated Relationship?
Got a complicated relationship? Particularly a dating relationship?
Here’s an analogy for why dating relationships so often become so complicated.
Imagine I wanted to paint a picture of a lemming.
Perhaps that doesn’t sound like an impossibility to you. Perhaps you’re an accomplished painter and have always raised lemmings as pets. In that case, you could paint a lemming with your eyes closed. With no drop cloth. However, there are some parameters you should know about me as I approach this artistic endeavor.
First, let’s assume I don’t even know what a lemming looks like because I’ve never seen one, but I’ve heard they resemble something like a cross between a guinea pig and a wolverine.
Secondly, I don’t know how to paint, but I’m pretty sure I can do it because I’ve seen it done on TV. And by “seen it done on TV,” I don’t mean I’ve watched Bob Ross instructional videos. I mean to say I’ve seen shows and movies where painting was being done as part of the action on screen. (I can remember the movies Emma and Little Women in particular. And I’ve watched them more than once.) All of that to say, I have no training, but it doesn’t look that hard. You just put the brush in the paint and then put the paint on the paper. Or canvas. Or wood. (I believe the Mona Lisa was painted on a wood panel and I have some plywood in the garage.)
Thirdly, I don’t want to take the time to get paintbrushes, so I thought I’d just use a hairbrush. (A brush is a brush, right?)
Lastly, before I start, I’m going to drink a little alcohol. Or maybe a lot. Just enough to feel more relaxed. And artistic.
Now, what is my painting going to look like?
Someone might mistake it for modern art, but no one’s going to look at my painting and say, “Oh what a lovely lemming! It almost looks like a photograph.”
On Painting Lemmings & Being In Love
Now here’s the analogy …
For starters, most unmarried people in our world today, hoping to carry on a life-giving romance, have likely never observed one single healthy dating relationship in the course of their natural lives. It’s an “animal” they’ve never laid eyes on.
However, they’ve seen how it’s done in film, television, and videos. Not instructional videos, but they’ve watched infinitely more love scenes than I’ve watched painting scenes. And all that familiarity builds a level of confidence that overshadows my confidence in painting.
On top of this, most teens and young adults (or older adults, for that matter) have never acquired the right tools to thrive in a long-term, committed relationship. They only know how to sustain semi-intimate friendships and work relationships, and they’ve never felt that close to their family. So, they’re like me in front of a scrap of plywood with tempera paint and a hairbrush.
Lastly, though many do engage in recreational drinking while dating (to feel more relaxed and sexy), you don’t have to drink anything to have your judgment and sense of restraint seriously impaired by the neurochemistry of infatuation. (More on that in Chapters 12 and 20.) This is one of the reasons we enjoy being in love. It feels. So. Good!
So, the next time a friend asks you, “Why does dating have to be so complicated?” ask them if they’ve ever painted a picture of a lemming with a hairbrush. While drunk.
If you would like an entire book filled with the kind of practical, Biblical wisdom on sex, dating, and relationships you just finished reading, you can get it NOW! The above post is an excerpt from Date Like You Know What You’re Doing: Your DatePrep Guide. Here are other excerpts from the same book.
A dating life that leads to a life-giving, lifelong marriage doesn’t happen by accident. You need to know what you’re doing.
That’s why I wrote Date Like You Know What You’re Doing to empower you to:
Discern God’s will for your dating life.
Avoid heartbreak, rejection, and regret.
Date with confidence and clarity.
Win the war over sexual temptation.
Let your marriage hopes inspire, instead of impede your dating life.
Learn truths for thriving in relationships! This video featured on our FMUniversity YouTube channel introduces several different LoveEd series on relationships.
How You Wind Up Dating a Control Freak
Three common reasons explain how you can fall for a control freak, but first, here are five signs you are dating a one:
They don’t only want to dominate the conversation. They want to dominate your mind.
They don’t only want to share their opinion. They want you to share their opinion.
They don’t only want to influence you. They want to manipulate you.
They don’t only want to check in on you. They want to supervise you.
They don’t only want your time together to revolve around them. They want your whole life to revolve around them.
Sounds like a relationship of perpetual delight, right?
Or maybe terror.
Learn from Samson. He fell for a manipulative maiden named Delilah. She sapped every ounce of will from him, and in the end, she was more or less the death of him. You can check out the whole sordid tale in Judges 16.
Falling for a Control Freak
Why wouldn’t a healthy person avoid a control freak like the plague? Or zombies? Or a barren wasteland? Or a barren wasteland filled with zombies carrying the plague?
First, the positive qualities of the control freak (their good looks, charm, and talents) can overshadow their controlling ways early on.
Secondly, their controlling ways might not even be employed at first. Not because they’re trying to hide them, but because they don’t need them at first. When you’re falling in love, most just want to enjoy the ride, including the controller.
However, when the love chemistry begins to subside or you note red flags you missed before and the control freak senses they might be losing you, their manipulative, desperate ways will be revealed. This is why Dating Commandment #8 is thus:
Thou shalt not treat red flags like they are part of a carnival.
A third reason you may not feel controlled at first? For a control freak to know how to control you well, they first have to know you well. They have to get to know your family, friends, work hours, workout routines, church commitments, and hobbies.
In that season when the control freak is getting to know you, it doesn’t feel like control. It feels like attention. Indeed, you really don’t know attention until you’ve had the attention of a control freak. It can make you feel pretty special, at first. But once the whole motive behind all that attention is exposed, it can feel constricting—even suffocating—real fast.
The control freak might even move from manipulation to threatening to hurt you or harm themselves if you leave the relationship. If so, get a responsible third party involved immediately! You may want to pacify them, but their goal is to control you, so appeasement requires giving them nothing less than control.
If you would like an entire book filled with the kind of practical, Biblical wisdom on sex, dating, and relationships you just finished reading, you can get it NOW! The above post is an excerpt from Date Like You Know What You’re Doing: Your DatePrep Guide. Here are other excerpts from the same book.
A dating life that leads to a life-giving, lifelong marriage doesn’t happen by accident. You need to know what you’re doing.
That’s why I wrote Date Like You Know What You’re Doing to empower you to:
Discern God’s will for your dating life.
Avoid heartbreak, rejection, and regret.
Date with confidence and clarity.
Win the war over sexual temptation.
Let your marriage hopes inspire, instead of impede your dating life.
Learn more about dating in video form! This video featured our FMUniversity YouTube channel introduces several different LoveEd series on dating.
Don’t Miss “The One”
I wrote this hoping you don’t miss “The One.”
Because before we finish our lineup of the nine Mr./Ms. Wrongs you do not want to date, we need to remember the wrong person isn’t the only one who’s difficult to recognize.
The right person can be just as hard to spot! In fact, I see healthy, intelligent people make this mistake all the time. They could be staring right at someone who’d be perfect for them!
Someone who is attractive
Someone who loves God more than chocolate
Someone who has thriving relationships with family and friends
Someone who thinks of other’s interests ahead of their own
Someone who is fun to be around and yet growing in maturity
A dating prospect could be all that and more, yet the person who should be dating them doesn’t recognize their marriage potential. They just see the person as a friend.
And I’ve no room to judge! I once gave my wife the “friends talk.”
But don’t you judge either! Because I could be talking about YOU!
Are Your Expectations for “The One” Realistic?
You might already know “The One,” someone with whom you could build a fantastic relationship that could lead to a life-giving, lifelong marriage, but they simply don’t look like the person you thought you would marry:
They aren’t a supermodel.
They lack the obvious charm of the protagonist from a Hallmark movie.
They don’t have a big enough social media following.
They make less money than you do.
They are allergic to peanuts. And cats. And home improvement shows.
They fall outside your ideal parameters for height and weight.
With that perspective, I encourage you to mind your expectations and keep your heart wide open to who God might have you marry. Unless you discover the person you’re interested in (or already) dating is one of these nine Mr. or Ms. Wrongs. Then part ways clearly, but kindly.
If you would like an entire book filled with the kind of practical, Biblical wisdom on sex, dating, and relationships you just finished reading, you can get it NOW! The above post is an excerpt from Date Like You Know What You’re Doing: Your DatePrep Guide. Here are other excerpts from the same book.
A dating life that leads to a life-giving, lifelong marriage doesn’t happen by accident. You need to know what you’re doing.
That’s why I wrote Date Like You Know What You’re Doing to empower you to:
Discern God’s will for your dating life.
Avoid heartbreak, rejection, and regret.
Date with confidence and clarity.
Win the war over sexual temptation.
Let your marriage hopes inspire, instead of impede your dating life.
Learn truths for thriving in relationships! This video featured on our FMUniversity YouTube channel introduces several different LoveEd series on relationships.
Beware of Love at First Sight
Beware of love at first sight, because the way we go about romantic relationships makes it easy for a deceiver to get away with murder. Or at least romanticide.
The problem begins with basic human nature because our unconscious tendency whenever we first meet someone is to use what little we learn about them to fill in the blanks of what we don’t know.
Add “attraction” to the mix, and your mind can be made up before you know it, filling in a ton of blanks in an overly positive way. (Romantics call it “love at first sight.” Psychologists call it the halo effect.)
However, the real problem comes from basing the level of trust we place in someone on the personality profile we’ve created in our minds, instead of basing our level of trust on the actual information we possess.
The Halo Effect in Action
For instance, after meeting someone at a party, you might know the following (concrete facts in bold):
They are attractive.
Where they went to school
Where they work
They are really attractive.
Where they grew up
How many siblings they grew up with
Their eyes are like pools of love and their smile lights up your life.
They speak English. And their voice is like that of an angel.
They know karate. And may be a superhero in disguise.
You would like to see them in their superhero karate outfit.
Q: How much trust should you be willing to place in a person you know this well?
A: As much as you would any other acquaintance of whom you know fairly little.
However, the summary profile you might construct from your 30 minutes of conversation with this new person reads like this: They are one of the kindest, funniest, smartest, most interesting, most capable people you have ever met in your life. And they might even be the one you’re supposed to marry.
Q: How much trust are you willing to place in a person you describe like this?
A: Enough to give them your heart. And maybe your body.
Love at first sight strikes again!
Yet any of the following information could also be true about the same person:
They are obsessed with their appearance.
They barely graduated from school.
They have never been happy anywhere they’ve worked.
They smile a lot because they believe you have to “fake it to make it.”
They like to talk a lot and do not listen very well.
Their interest in karate was inspired by a childhood bully whom they always wanted to wax off.
They are more likely to be a supervillain than a superhero.
If you had learned all of the above in your first meeting, you might have walked away with an entirely different first impression. But you didn’t, so you didn’t.
Yet you’re already considering what you would name your children.
How to Keep from Being Fooled In Love
If you don’t want to be fooled by a deceiver, then you need to take your time, and proceed with a certain level of caution in every dating relationship, being attuned to these qualities in the person you’re interested in:
Reliability—Do they consistently meet reasonable expectations?
Honesty—Do they tell the truth, completely, even when it’s uncomfortable or disadvantages them?
Clarity—Are misunderstandings so common that you can’t be certain if they keep lying to you or you keep misinterpreting them?
Commitment—Are they committed to the right people and the right things, even when those commitments cost them more than they anticipated?
Integrity—Are they the same person in different situations and different relationships, or do they seem more “chameleon-like,” adjusting their behavior to their current environment?
A clear violation of any of the above should suffice as a blazing red flag.
Bottom line, how much you trust someone should be directly tied to how well you actually know them. So keep your eyes and ears wide open on every date. You know, like you were driving a car and could get hurt if you weren’t paying attention.
If you would like an entire book filled with the kind of practical, Biblical wisdom on sex, dating, and relationships you just finished reading, you can get it NOW! The above post is an excerpt from Date Like You Know What You’re Doing: Your DatePrep Guide. Here are other excerpts from the same book.
A dating life that leads to a life-giving, lifelong marriage doesn’t happen by accident. You need to know what you’re doing.
That’s why I wrote Date Like You Know What You’re Doing to empower you to:
Discern God’s will for your dating life.
Avoid heartbreak, rejection, and regret.
Date with confidence and clarity.
Win the war over sexual temptation.
Let your marriage hopes inspire, instead of impede your dating life.
Learn truths for thriving in relationships! This video featured on our FMUniversity YouTube channel introduces several different LoveEd series on relationships.
Why It’s So Easy to Fall for the Wrong Person
Ever wonder why it’s so easy to fall for the wrong person?
In this chapter and the two that follow, we will identify nine Wrong Persons; that is nine personality profiles you should not date. However, my guess is that for most of them, you might think, “Duh! Why would I want to date somebody like that? Of course I’ll avoid them! I’m not desperate.”
And yet, seemingly normal, healthy, intelligent individuals wind up dating partners like this every day. Perhaps one of those seemingly normal, healthy, intelligent individuals has even been you … I mean someone you know. Indeed, many wind up even marrying the kind of wrong persons I’m about to describe.
In the meantime, there will be other positive traits about the person you’re interested in that you can’t ignore:
They’re gorgeous.
They’re easy to talk with.
They’re funny.
They’re into the same things you are.
They’re also into you. A lot.
They’re a great kisser.
They’re kind to woodland creatures.
This is why one of the biggest challenges of dating is looking past the obvious positive qualities your date possesses (or at least presents) to discern the potential presence of negative qualities that are not so obvious. Especially if your date is actively trying to hide these negative traits from you.
If that task wasn’t hard enough already, it can be even more difficult if your date’s positive qualities have you falling in love with them before you’ve had a chance to perceive any red flags.
If you would like an entire book filled with the kind of practical, Biblical wisdom on sex, dating, and relationships you just finished reading, you can get it NOW! The above post is an excerpt from Date Like You Know What You’re Doing: Your DatePrep Guide. Here are other excerpts from the same book.
A dating life that leads to a life-giving, lifelong marriage doesn’t happen by accident. You need to know what you’re doing.
That’s why I wrote Date Like You Know What You’re Doing to empower you to:
Discern God’s will for your dating life.
Avoid heartbreak, rejection, and regret.
Date with confidence and clarity.
Win the war over sexual temptation.
Let your marriage hopes inspire, instead of impede your dating life.
Learn truths for thriving in relationships! This video featured on our FMUniversity YouTube channel introduces several different LoveEd series on relationships.
Sex Is NOT Bad
The understandable (but completely wrong) conclusion many come to from reading about sex in the Bible is that sex is bad.
But let’s remember who came up with the whole idea! Our Creator!
Take note, this passage from 1 Thessalonians 4 (along with all the many passages like it) is not condemning sex. These passages condemn sexual sin.
For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God, that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you. For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness. Therefore whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you. —1 Thessalonians 4:3-8 ESV
So, it’s not sex that is bad, but sexual sin that is bad.
Consider fire. Is fire good or bad?
Fire in the fireplace of your home: Good!
Fire in the bedroom of your home: Bad!
Is atomic energy good or bad?
Atomic energy supplying power to your house: Good!
And it is this “dangerous” element that makes sexual sin so destructive.
If you would like an entire book filled with the kind of practical, Biblical wisdom on sex, dating, and relationships you just finished reading, you can get it NOW! The above post is an excerpt from Date Like You Know What You’re Doing: Your DatePrep Guide. Here are other excerpts from the same book.
A dating life that leads to a life-giving, lifelong marriage doesn’t happen by accident. You need to know what you’re doing.
That’s why I wrote Date Like You Know What You’re Doing to empower you to:
Discern God’s will for your dating life.
Avoid heartbreak, rejection, and regret.
Date with confidence and clarity.
Win the war over sexual temptation.
Let your marriage hopes inspire, instead of impede your dating life.
Better understand your sexuality and how to effectively pursue sexual purity in video form! This video featured on our FMUniversity YouTube channel introduces several different LoveEd series on sexuality.
How to Date and Guard Your Heart
Would you like to know how to date and guard your heart?
Bottom line, your heart is a treasure to God. Far more precious than it ever will be to anyone you date or marry because God is our Creator who formed your heart, knows your heart, and died (literally) to win your heart for your good and His glory. This is why God commands us in Proverbs 4:23 to guard our heart.
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.
This passage is commonly interpreted to mean God doesn’t want us to risk wounding our heart. And following this line of thinking, many avoid dating seriously or even dating at all, while others wait for supernatural signs or words from God they believe will keep them from ever getting hurt in the dating process.
Worse Than the Wrong Goal
However, trying to protect your heart from all hurt is not only the wrong goal, it’s an unfeasible goal for anyone who sets out to love like Jesus. As C.S. Lewis states so clearly in The Four Loves …
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”
Instead of trying to protect your heart from hurt, the writer of Proverbs is encouraging us to protect our heart from needless hurt; the kind of hurt we invite on ourselves by living foolishly. The kind of hurt King Solomon endured. Consider the three verses which precede verse 23 in Proverbs 4:
My son, pay attention to what I say; turn your ear to my words. Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart; for they are life to those who find them and health to one’s whole body. (NIV)
Bottom line: If you want a successful dating life, you must learn how to wisely guard your own heart, as well as the hearts of those you date. We accomplish this by keeping our hearts in the hands of our God, even while we seek His will in risking our heart by loving others, particularly by loving someone enough to enter an exclusive dating relationship.
If you would like an entire book filled with the kind of practical, Biblical wisdom on sex, dating, and relationships you just finished reading, you can get it NOW! The above post is an excerpt from Date Like You Know What You’re Doing: Your DatePrep Guide. Here are other excerpts from the same book.
A dating life that leads to a life-giving, lifelong marriage doesn’t happen by accident. You need to know what you’re doing.
That’s why I wrote Date Like You Know What You’re Doing to empower you to:
Discern God’s will for your dating life.
Avoid heartbreak, rejection, and regret.
Date with confidence and clarity.
Win the war over sexual temptation.
Let your marriage hopes inspire, instead of impede your dating life.
Learn more about dating in video form! This video featured our FMUniversity YouTube channel introduces several different LoveEd series on dating.
Put Sexual Compatibility in its Place
I want to address the common fear among Christians that if you save sex for the wedding night you could wind up in a sexually incompatible marriage, by helping you put sexual compatibility in its place.
It’s already hard enough to curb your passions when you’re in a serious dating relationship where you’re both crazy about each other. How much more impossible to keep your hands to yourself if you believe discerning whether you’ve found “The One” requires “hands-on experience.”
But what if sexual compatibility is not all you think it is? What if it’s not something to worry about at all. Or at least not what you want to focus on, if you’re hoping for a great marital sex life. Here are just seven perspectives on sexual compatibility and marriage to assuage your fears.
1. Sexual compatibility is to marriage as fire is to a fireplace. The former is meant to be enjoyed inside the boundaries of the latter.
Fire in the fireplace: good!
Fire in the living room: BAD!
Similarly, while sex is wonderful and amazing, it’s also dangerous. And everything dangerous is best enjoyed within safe boundaries. So testing your sexual compatibility before marriage is not quite as practical a plan as it might seem.
Instead, trust God’s word and focus on other core compatibilities in your dating relationships. Then trust, that if you marry someone to whom you not only share mutual attraction, but a common commitment to honoring the marriage bed, you’ll be able to build a fire of sexual compatibility in due time.
2. Sexual compatibility is to marriage as recess is to school. The former does not define the latter.
To be consumed by your desire for sex in marriage is as immature as being consumed by your desire for recess at school.
In other words, if all you want out of marriage is sexual compatibility then you don’t really understand what marriage is all about. It’s so much bigger than the sex!
3. Sexual compatibility is to marriage as an “A” is to studying. If you want the former, you should commit to the latter.
That said, scoring straight As from disciplined study habits simply can’t compare to a beautiful sex life carefully nurtured by two partners committed to honoring the desires and boundaries of each other for life.
4. Sexual compatibility is to marriage as vulnerability is to friendship. The latter provides the safe relationship for the former.
But more enjoyable? A sex life with someone who’s committed to giving their body to you and you alone. That’s the safe place where you can both share openly about what you do and don’t enjoy in the bedroom.
5. Sexual compatibility is to marriage as a degree is to an education. The latter lends meaning to the former.
Do you want a degree on your wall you don’t have to learn anything to get? If the education means nothing to you, why the degree? Likewise, do you really want meaningless sex? So long as it’s enjoyable?
As much as I truly want you to wind up in a marriage where you enjoy great sex often, I want to see you in a meaningful relationship where your sexual intimacy both represents and cultivates the deep and sacred oneness of marriage!
6. Sexual compatibility is to marriage as an orchestra is to a conductor. The latter should lead the former.
Have you heard an orchestra tuning up before a performance? It’s interesting, but you don’t want to listen long.
But then enters the conductor, who directs the musicians to play together in rhythm. And it’s a beautiful thing when a couple, honoring their vows, learn how to make beautiful music together in the marriage bed.
7. Sexual compatibility is to marriage as a home is to a foundation. The latter is meant to establish the former.
Anything illicit, forbidden, or secretive can be exciting. Sex outside marriage is often all of that. But is that a foundation on which to build a life-giving, lifelong marriage?
No. It isn’t.
More importantly, you can mistake your illicit sexual enjoyment for sexual compatibility, when you’re really just enjoying sin.
Have you ever asked yourself, “How would Jesus date?”
Yes. I’m aware Jesus never dated. In fact, no one in Jesus’ day dated. Arranged marriage was the deal back then.
But how would Jesus date? In other words…
If Jesus is still around today, and actually alive and living in you, shouldn’t that impact how you approach dating?
Well, if you desire to successfully identify and enter a life-giving, life-long marriage that makes God as pleased as it makes you happy, here are ten different reflections on dating (inspired by scripture), to get your brain more into the headspace of Jesus when it comes to the topic. For those questions that really hit you between the eyes, be sure to click the hyperlink and read the applicable passage.
How different would your dating life be if it were driven less by license and more by purpose? (1 Corinthians 6:12)
What if you dated in such a way that others saw your good works and gave glory to God? (Matthew 5:14-16)
How cool would it be if the people you dated could tell you had been with Jesus? (Acts 4:13)
What if you sought out faithful friends willing to wound you for your good, before you sought to date? (Proverbs 27:5-6)
What if you sought to learn more about dating through wisdom than by experience? (Proverbs 20:5-6)
What if you dated with the same humility of Christ? (Philippians 2:5-6)
What if you dated with the belief you were chosen, instead of with the need to be chosen? (John 15:16)
What if you gave romance a chance to bloom out of a friendship built on enjoyment, respect, and trust. (Song of Solomon 2:7, 3:5, 8:4)
Regardless of your sexual past, what if you determined, from this day forward, to NEVER defraud anyone you date? (1 Thessalonians 4:3-8)
How different would your dating life be if you believed Jesus’ love for you was as real as the Father’s love for Him? (John 15:9-13)
I hope at least one of the thoughts above inspires you consider how Jesus would date, and then to date accordingly! And share with your friends, because friends don’t let friends date dumb!
Dug this weekend’s Date Night Advice (DNA)? Be a good friend and share with your friends on the social media platform of choice: Instagram, Youtube, Facebook, or Twitter.
Want to grow beyond our DNA blog?
Our LoveEd discipleship series, Beyond Sex & Salvation, will empower you to grow spiritually and date wisely, so you can marry well.
This discipleship series is NOT for couples, but for the wise individual who wants to prepare for their future marriage like a successful career: intentionally, intelligently and IN ADVANCE!
This discipleship series is NOT about dos and don’ts. It’s about learning the life lessons, mastering the life disciplines, and making the life decisions necessary for relational success.
Would you like to know God’s will for your dating life?
A dating life that leads to a life-giving, lifelong marriage doesn’t happen by accident. You need to know what you’re doing.
