Been waiting? Us too!
Marriage Log: Day 5,125
How long have you been waiting for that right person to come along?
Well, Julie and I got married, more or less, right after college graduation, but there was still some waiting involved.
For starters, Julie was the first girl I ever dated seriously, so I was almost 21 before I got my first girlfriend. Of course, some live to 91 and never date seriously, but in a world where kids are “going together” before they’re teenagers, waiting till your 20’s is an eternity.
Then once we started dating, Julie and I didn’t kiss on the lips for several months. Or maybe it was just weeks. Anyway, I was 21 before my first serious kiss. Again, we know many have waited much longer, but we waited longer than most.
We dated almost a year before we got engaged (that’s after knowing each other as friends 2 1/2 years) and we waited until I secured my first job out of college (another 8 months) before setting a wedding date.
And, yes, we waited ’til we were married before we. Well. you know…
However, none of that really compares to what we’re waiting on right now – the adoption of up to two children through the State of Tennessee.
We started the adoption process some 3 years ago. We finished the training classes, home study and paper work about 2 ½ years ago. And since then we’ve been waiting for the phone to ring.
Are you waiting for the phone to ring?
Of course, we have been doing more than sitting by the phone. We’ve been praying and preparing our hearts. And praying some more. And then renewing our certification through additional seminars, physicals and home studies. And then praying and preparing our hearts again.
Have you been praying and preparing your heart for your future spouse?
It can be agonizing, can’t it?
What desire could be more pure than to be united in marriage to a Godly spouse until death do you part? Why would a loving God keep something so lovely from you?
We’ve wondered that about our adoption. Why would a loving God keep needy children who are unloved and uncared for out of our reach? To clarify, we don’t have some gnawing need for a 4th and 5th kid. We have been (and could continue to be) completely content with the three precious children with whom God has already blessed us.
Our motive for adoption is to provide a safe, permanent home for children who have never known safety or permanency.
Further, the children we’re waiting on will have been forcibly removed from their home by government representatives, so once we finally have our adopted darlings in our home we’ll have years of damage to undo. It’s damage we can never hope to undo ourselves, but only in the power of the God who can transform all of our pain into mysterious glory.
To be honest, it’s an awful scary thing to wait for.
Can you relate?
Well, at 11:53 AM EST this past Thursday, 11/29, the phone rang. I got the call on my cell while out of town on business. “We’ve selected your home for the placement of two boys – ages 3 and 4.”
When I hung up I cried.
And so we’ll meet the social workers Monday, 12/3 at 2 PM to find out more about these boys and discern whether these are the children God meant for our family since before any of us were born.
Are you trying to discern God’s will in regards to someone you’re interested in? It can be confusing at times; horrifying at other times, but we serve an all-sufficient God who longs for our attention.
God longs to give us His will, but more than that He longs to give us Himself.
To make matters more interesting for our adoption prospects, this would be an “at-risk” adoption which means the process to terminate parental rights has not been completed.
So worse case scenario, we could have these boys in our home for as long as 2 years only to have them taken away.
A BIGGER Story
All dating is at-risk. Even courtship.
Heck, 2,000 years ago, betrothal was considered way more binding than even today’s engagement. Yet this guy named Joseph was more than a little caught off guard when he discovered his betrothed was pregnant.
He was about to back out – and had every right to – but you know what happened. Joseph knew he was called to marry Mary and so in God’s perfect (and perplexing) timing (namely, after she got pregnant with someone else’s kid), he did. He also obeyed when called to move his little family to Egypt (before Herod’s rage would have taken Jesus’ life prematurely). And Joseph’s obedience has had ripple effects that would have been beyond his wildest imagination.
Julie and I know we’ve been called to adopt.
What has God called you to do? And what might be the ripple effects of your obedience?
If you believe you’ve been called to marriage, what have you done about that to truly prepare your heart? True love doesn’t just wait. IT PREPARES!
But maybe you’re not so sure about marriage. What about career, or church, or school, or family? Do you need to have a hard conversation with the boss, start giving more to your church, take your studies more seriously or forgive someone who hurt you?
There’s a lot you can do while you’re waiting. Then when you finally get the call you can know you’re ready.
So please pray for us as we continue to wait for God’s clear direction in adoption. And we’ll pray for you as you wait for his clear direction in marriage.
We’ll wait together!
Who knows, perhaps next year we’ll be parents to two more boys, and you might be dating (or engaged or married) to your best friend.
Regardless, more than marriage or children, we were made for God; for His good pleasure. Let’s endeavor to press in to Him while we wait.
DNA: It’s What’s For Dating
It’s NOT for couples, but for any wise individual who thinks they might want to get married sometime before they die. And would like to learn how to better build healthy relationships in the meantime.
Check out all three study guides in our store. You can walk through them on your own, but it’s more fun with friends (that and it kinda makes sense to grow in relational success in actual relationships with others), so consider putting together an FMU LoveEd small group study.
Even better? And ask a rock star married couple you respect to lead it!