Secret to finding “The One?” Donald Trump!
Since the turn of the century, eharmony has been matching couples online utilizing a top secret computer algorithm (nicknamed “The Borg”) which takes into account 29 different dimensions of compatibility.
But not anymore, because eharmony labs has reported the discovery of a 30th dimension.
“It’s a game-changer for the internet dating world,” announced lead researcher, Dr. Jess Guessing.
Now, to dimensions like character, passion and cat-or-dog preference, the research gurus have identified what they call trumpitism.
Trumpitism: the measure of a person’s affinity or distaste for Donald Trump.
“We were astounded at the impact of this single dimension,” exclaimed Dr. Guessing! “A couple’s profiles could line up almost perfectly in every other dimension, but if their trumpitism scores differed significantly, it becomes like… Well the best analogy is it becomes like a literal wall between them. Any hope for a second date is immediately deported from all consideration!”
Eharmony scientists had considered adding new dimensions related to other polarizing celebrities like the Kardashians, Justin Bieber, Kanye West or Neil Diamond. However, not only did differing perceptions of these personalities lack the nuclear fallout which conflicting views of Trump produced, the impact of trumpitism was even more pronounced when scores correlated.
Dr. Guessing explained, “Usually if a couple can’t see eye to eye on essential dimensions like values or faith, they simply aren’t going to get along in the long run. But our research revealed that if a couple’s perceptions of Donald Trump were identical, almost nothing else mattered.” The science shows that if a couple is united in their hatred or reverence for Donald Trump, it brings them together like politicians to tax dollars.
So though disagreement abounds on whether Trump can really make American great again, the research proves Trump could very well be the catalyst to make America date again.
[And if you enjoyed this report you don’t want to miss this satirical post: Donald Trump’s Dating Don’ts]
The Relational Reporter: unreal stories. real truth. really funny.
Getting Serious about “The One”
OK, so Donald Trump can’t ensure your compatibility, but is there a secret to finding “the one?”
This serious chapel talk taped at Letourneau University along with the Date Night Advice posts below it offer serious thoughts on doing just that.
Stop Looking for Your Perfect Match
One popular dating website suggests there are 29 different dimensions of compatibility. Whoa! That’s a lot of compatibility (or a lot of places where you could fail to be compatible).
As I’ve stated in a past Date Night Advice (DNA) post, “I wish every wise individual could understand how they measured up in 29 different areas of their personality. And then could see how their profile would fit (or not fit) with potential dating partners. That would be invaluable!”
However, here’s the hard truth: if you find someone with whom you match up in 29 different dimensions, it’s the 30th dimension that’s going to kill you.
Why would I say such a thing? [Read More]
29 Different Areas of Compatibility
Interviewer: So, Mr. Johnson, you’re here because you want to work for our company.
Job Applicant: Yes sir, Mr. Gates.
Interviewer: Well, why don’t you tell me what caught your interest in our firm.
Job Applicant: Well, Bob is actually the guy that introduced me to your business. He works in the R&D department. He’s always talked highly of this place, and well… the more I heard about it the more curious I became, so I got online and read up on your company. Just really impressive all you’re doing. Your product line – obviously – is the tops in the industry, but what’s way cooler than that is I filled out this online career assessment and – would you believe? – I found out that me and this company match up in 29 different areas of compatibility!!!
Interviewer: Well that is noteworthy. Let’s talk about the actual job you’re interviewing for. Tell me about your qualifications for the position.
Job Applicant: Ahhhhhh…. Well… [Read More]
DNA: It’s What’s For Dating
It’s NOT for couples, but for any wise individual who thinks they might want to get married sometime before they die. And would like to learn how to better build healthy relationships in the meantime.
Check out all three study guides in our store. You can walk through them on your own, but it’s more fun with friends (that and it kinda makes sense to grow in relational success in actual relationships with others), so consider putting together an FMU LoveEd small group study.