How to Enjoy Dating without Freaking Out
And that’s only after composing your first text:
“Doing anything Sat nite?”
Your thumb hovers over the SEND button. How in the world will you EVER make it through the first date?
Before you press SEND, hit REWIND and read this post!
Check Your Motive
First you have to be OK with being you. Not just because you simply can’t be anyone else (although you really can’t be anyone else, so that’s a pretty good reason), but because God didn’t make you to be anyone else, but you. (Now that’s a great reason!)
This has to do with far more than your physical appearance. It involves all those things outside your control like who your parents are, what financial and social strata you were born into, what talents and gifts you were born with and what opportunities you have had for developing those talents and gifts.
This is where contentment starts.
Is discontentment your driving force? Your motive for dating?
PLOT SPOILER ALERT: Over time, discontent single people become discontent dating people and discontent dating people become discontent married people.
Unless, of course the discontent single doesn’t date long enough to feel their discontentment in dating, before getting married. The end result is the same: discontent single people become discontent married people people unless something else changes besides their relationship status. Something on the inside.
Relationships don’t solve a contentment problem; not even the “perfect” relationship with “the one.” Only when you can embrace this reality like your grandma, can you negotiate the dating world without incessantly worrying, “But what if it doesn’t work out?!?!”
If you can’t confidently say, “If it doesn’t work, I’ll be OK,” please check out one of the DNA posts at this link.
Or watch these short LoveEd videos.
Consider who You Trust
Before you start looking for the love of your life, you should first be completely, totally, and entirely confident in God’s love of and care for you.
The bottom line is this:
- The more secure you feel in Christ the more likely you will be to follow His guidelines in relationships. (Why wouldn’t you obey the instructions of someone you trust implicitly?)
- The more secure you feel in Christ the more courage you’ll have to take the risks which are necessary to grow closer to someone else.
It’s far easier to weather disappointment when you know you can trust God to walk with you through the valley of the shadow dating.
So, the question is this: Do you really trust God? If not, you are not ready to date.
However, most people think they trust God, but practically speaking do not. How can you tell if that’s you? By checking out one of the DNA posts at this link.
Or by watching these short LoveEd videos:
- Got Trust Issues?
- What about Missionary Dating?
- Are You Smarter than God?
- You can’t Trust a God You don’t Know
Think First. Date Later.
Lastly, if you find yourself saddled with an addiction that you just can’t shake, or poor life habits that you can’t seem to improve upon, or failure patterns you can’t change, don’t ignore that stuff. I’m talking about problems that just don’t seem to go away. Or they do for a time, but they keep sneaking in the back door when you’re not looking.
Do you think you might have a problem with porn, alcohol, workaholism, eating disorders, anger, depression, debt, anxiety? If you’re not sure, ask a friend who knows you and loves you well. Not a yes-man. Ask a true friend who will tell you the hard truth because they care.
Bottom line, all those issues I just listed (and the list could go on and on); those are the kinds of problems that destroy relationships.
No magic relationship will kill your bad habits and addictions. To the contrary, bad habits and addictions will kill your relationships. (Perhaps they already have.)
None of those struggles makes you unworthy of a serious relationship. They make you unprepared for one. They mean you’re in greater need of great friendships.
Take Eight Before You Date
Would you be willing to get a group of friends together and spend eight weeks walking through the above issues? That’s what the LoveEd study guide series, Beyond Sex & Salvation is all about. The first 8-lesson book will walk you through what we call the three critical life lessons for relational success. Check it out at the link below.
DNA: It’s What’s For Dating
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The LoveEd study guide series, Beyond Sex & Salvation, will empower you to prepare for relational success when it counts: BEFORE YOU FALL IN LOVE! It’s NOT for couples, but for any wise individual who thinks they might want to get married sometime before they die. Check out the first two 8-lesson study guides in our store. You can walk through it on your own, but it’s more fun with friends, so consider putting together an FMU LoveEd small group study. Even better? And ask a married couple you respect to lead it!