I’m going to share a secret to healing from heartbreak, and to introduce that secret we’ll start with a question posed in the song, Pompeii, by Bastille:
“Oh, oh, where do we begin? The rubble or our sins?”
In other words, when you’re ready to deal with the heartbreak in your past, where do you start?
- The rubble: the hurt you endured, disappointment you experienced, and lies you believed
- Your sin: the hurt you caused, the disappointment you left behind, and the lies you told
It’s a pretty profound question for a pop song. And though I don’t have the answer to the question, the very question itself reveals a secret to healing from heartbreak:
To heal from heartbreak you have to deal with both your role and the role of the other person in your broken relationship.
Yet most of the time we don’t, and when we fail to deal with both our own role as well as the role of the other person, we make it impossible to fully heal.
Of course, in the wake of heartbreak it can be easy to focus on the wrongs committed against us, never acknowledging the part we played. For instance, we can remember all of their unkind words, word-for-word, but easily forget our own. Or, better, justify our own unkindness.
Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye. – Matthew 7:1-5
On the other hand, it can be tempting to simply live in the shame of our own wrongs; to wallow in it and feel hopelessly broken, but…
While it’s wrong to blame others for your sins, it’s equally wrong to blame yourself for the sins of others.
Yes, you may have allowed someone you dated to violate your boundaries, and that’s on you. But there’s something to be said for the person who claimed to “love” you, while they took advantage of your weakness. That is the polar opposite of love.
Whoever hates disguises himself with his lips and harbors deceit in his heart; when he speaks graciously, believe him not, for there are seven abominations in his heart; though his hatred be covered with deception, his wickedness will be exposed in the assembly. – Proverbs 26:24-26
“Oh, oh, where do we begin? The rubble or our sins?”
Dear one, whichever you tend to fixate on, your fault or theirs, you must deal with both!
This is the only way to true healing.
Is this easy? Of course not, but trust the God who died for your healing to lead you, one step at a time.
That said, here’s the next critical questions to lead you into healing from heartbreak:
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