The James Bond Tragedy: Sexual Detachment

[updated: 9/30/21]

So you want to be James Bond: irresistible to the ladies, but at the same time unaffected by their allure, impervious to their charm, aloof to their beauty?

In a word: invincible.

What if you got your wish?

What would invincibility feel like?

We’re you thinking of words like these:




That’s the James Bond that Daniel Craig has come to represent over his last four films; an icon imploding; a soul tortured more by his messy past than by any merciless interrogator.

The truth? Your heart cannot be sensitive to beauty and numb to it at the same time.

Your soul can’t be filled by the splendor of God’s handiwork and unmoved simultaneously. And your mind can never be captured by the wonder of God’s ultimate creation – woman – and remain detached.

Now perhaps what we think we’d like is to live a James Bond life until we finally meet that one woman; the one that breaks down our every wall of defense. And then we will be enamored with her and her alone for as long as we live.

But isn’t this just the “He-Man woman-hater” equivalent to the Disney princess daydream? And just as realistic? (“Just have them line up for me and audition like on America’s Got Talent. Who needs Simon if you’ve got the poker face of James Bond? Right?”)

Forgetting about the laws of probability for a moment, do you believe this is how God intends for you to identify your helpmate: “Which woman actually wins over my callous, been-there-done-them heart?”

You don’t need rocket science to explain why most men find the female body a divine wonderland. That wasn’t John Mayer’s idea. Indeed, it is divine. God made it that way!

But God’s intention wasn’t for us to gawk and stare at every lovely lady in yoga pants, anymore than it was for us to grin nonchalantly as they give us an “I’d like you on a platter with an apple in your mouth” look.

God’s desire was that you would be intoxicated by the beauty of your future wife. Hers and hers alone.

Consequentially, you can’t be invincible toward her.

Indeed, if you want to be another i-word with her – intimate – you will need to be the opposite. You see, the oneness of marriage requires, not invincibility, but honesty, vulnerability, sensitivity and commitment.

And do you know how many men are prepared for that in marriage?

Very, very few.

Too many of us have taken our cues from James Bond.

And the worst part? Thanks to internet porn, any young man can live the James Bond fantasy. Whenever he likes, he can find the most impossibly beautiful women who are willing to share everything with him.

On camera anyway.

So he can imagine he is James Bond; able to tame any wild beauty, if only in his mind. However…

Research now shows that after enough exposure to porn (and movie scenes like those in the 007 flicks) we do eventually become like James Bond in regards to the beauty of real life women: aloof, unmoved, detached.

And the really worst part? We become incapable of being sexually stimulated by real life women.

That’s right, if you missed the memo, many men – millions of them – are turning away from porn and masturbation, not because they’re convinced it’s evil or even wrong, but because their exposure – or more accurately their OVERexposure to pornography – has made them yet another i-word very different from “invincible.” That i-word would be “impotent.”

Truthfully, that isn’t the “really worst part,” because ultimately we weren’t made for sex. We were made for relationships.

So don’t be fooled by the allure of invincibility.

Instead, aspire to grow in life-giving intimacy.

It’s not easy. It requires character traits and life skills they don’t teach at MI6. However it’s worth it. Because growing in intimacy is the very assignment your soul was made for.

Want your first lesson? Click here. Or check out the Relation^ology series on our FMUniversity YouTube channel here.

DNA: It’s What’s For Dating

Dug this weekend’s Date Night Advice (DNA)? Be a good friend and share with your friends on the social media platform of choice: Instagram, Youtube, Facebook, or Twitter.

Want to grow beyond our DNA blog?

Our LoveEd discipleship series, Beyond Sex & Salvation, will empower you to grow spiritually and date wisely, so you can marry well.

This discipleship series is NOT for couples, but for the wise individual who wants to prepare for their future marriage like a successful career: intentionally, intelligently and IN ADVANCE!

This discipleship series is NOT about dos and don’ts. It’s about learning the life lessons, mastering the life disciplines, and making the life decisions necessary for relational success.

[originally published: 11/11/15]

Categories: SEX